If You Believe in God, You Believe in Karma

One of the Catechism questions for which we had to memorize the answer when we were preparing for our First Communion was "Where is God?" The answer is "God is everywhere."

When you are seven years old, you don't go too heavily into what you are learning. But if I think about it, this is a statement that can not be a half way or part way deal. I can not believe that God is in the good things and not around when something bad happens. God is everywhere or nowhere. And if God is everywhere, there is wisdom and grace and beauty in everything. That is a tough one, and for me it goes hand in hand with the concept of Karma and Re-incarnation. Either everything has a cause or everything is random. I can't see any sense in the idea that everything is random.

If the life and death of Christ, as we tell it, was about anything, it was about re-incarnation. His birth was predicted by the seers who see into the spiritual words. His arrival was seen by the wise men in far off lands (The Three Kings), the shepherds in the fields, the Heavenly Hosts. He came to earth to bring a new impulse to all of humanity and to the earth itself.

When he was crucified, died and was buried, his body was put in the cave and he was born again. He rose from the dead. He sacrificed himself to wash away the sins of the world. His spirit was re-born into the very earth we live in. I learned these things as a seven year old Irish Catholic girl near Boston. Now, sixty years later, I am thinking "What does this mean?" I think it means what it says.

I always thought that my good friend R. was a great optimist. I think I was misreading him. I think he is a rare person who sees the hand of God in everything that happens. He sees the perfect playing out of Karma. We often see bad luck, or failure or disaster in events that happen to our friends and families. R. takes a longer view and sees that whomever needed these experiences to learn something new or to turn into a better person, a kinder person, a more compassionate person. Or perhaps to burn away some old Karma. God is everywhere and if we look at everything with that knowledge held close to our hearts, then sometimes we can see God's hand at work. And if we keep up the practice, we can see more and more often.

Does everyone in the developed countries suffer from ADD?

Watching friends, neighbors, strangers arrive in Nicaragua, we watch a predictable process. First, the frantic pace and exhaustion of travel has to unwind a bit. We all know that travel is very hard work these days. You rush, you wait, you are herded, you are disappointed, you are food and sleep deprived, you have to obey irrational regulations. (taking off your shoes, harmful xray machines run by untrained low pay employees,) everything costs more than you expected.  That kind of stuff. I can't decide whether 'developed' countries are worse than 'under-developed' ones. Both present their own set of horrors.

After the travel fatigue wears off, everyone seems to have 'the list'. We need to change $, we need to buy sun block, we need to check our email! Then the magic starts to happen. The traveler starts to realize that they can do that tomorrow or the next day or that it doesn't matter at all. Things either happen or they don't and they world doesn't fall apart. In fact, it starts to make human sense. Without the aggravation, work, challenge, danger, responsibility of having a car, life is easier. You start to factor in the time it takes to walk, then the time it takes to eat out or collect and cook food.

For me, if I can do one errand, (get a set of keys made), get three meals, go have a swim, and hang out with friends, I consider it an amazing day. Add another errand like buying a fan, an extension cord and getting it home, and Oh my God, the pressure! I remember vaguely the days before I came of having a million errands, racing around in the car, having appointments, obligations, checking all the time the phone, the computer, the mail, the messages.

With the joy of being able to be outside all day, even while inside, with food vendors coming to the door, with the ease of using taxis for the few times you can't or don't feel like walking, life seems to get more and more human scale. For many of us this is vacation, But for many of us this is a reminder of times past, when life was slower, less frantic, more relaxed. It is a reminder of a time when no one gets pissed if you don't answer the phone or reply to an email regardless of what you are doing. It is a reminder of a time when families sat around at night and chatted.

I am not judging that one is better than the other, I am just observing that most people who come here don't even realize until they have been here a bit how very ADD their life at home has become, how much pressure and stress is normal. How lucky we are to get a break.

Where does money come from?

The Buddhist hit on this issue is that $ comes from being generous. I don't think you need to believe in karma to appreciate this fact. I would use 'generous' in its most broad as well as its most specific meaning. If you want more money give some away. And 'generous' doesn't just mean with money, but with your time, your interest, your love and compassion.

If this is a fact of how things work, then our pinching pennies about social security and aid for people in need will have to have the effect of bringing us closer to national bankruptcy. It has to. There are laws at work here. If you throw a book out a second floor window, it will invariably fall towards the earth. Why? Because it is a law of physics. It would not happen some of the time, it will happen every time.

There are laws of attraction. "Everybody loves a lover." If a person is on cloud nine, seeing everything as lovely and loving, they bring a smile to people's faces. People want to be near them, hang out with them, pick up a little of that glow. It just works that way.


In his very famous and often quoted prayer, Saint Francis says:
  
          Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. 
          Where there is hatred, let me sow love. 
          Where there is injury, pardon. 
          Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

"For it is in giving that we receive." Haven't you had that experience? Once my kids and I were in a village in the Highlands of Guatemala during the troubles. (war) The road to this village was cut off. There was little food to be had, especially for those without money. I searched the market and found some old packages of spaghetti covered with dust. I bought them. At least I could feed my kids until the road opened. 

I brought the food to a nearby family and asked them to cook it. The family immediately gathered firewood and brought a huge caldron of water. The spaghetti went into these gallons of water. Soon someone brought chilies and some one else a few potatoes. The spaghetti soon disappeared into paste thickening the soup. Other bits and pieces of food were thrown in. Not much of anything. But something warm that would make a belly feel better was being created. Many, many people were gathering around. Most brought a cup or a little bowl.

We ate, we sat around the fire, we felt peaceful. When the road opened, everyone wanted to give us something they cooked. We were moving on. I am not crowing about how great we were to share. I never quite understood  how all this came about in fact, but on many levels, giving away ...or sharing, our last bits of food came back 100 fold.

I think the law that if you want something, give it away was working overtime at that moment.

What is Love? I want to get this right. It is Christmas, after all.

Another hard swamp to slog through. It is the question of what is love? Here my voice in answer is nothing but question marks. The most evolved souls to hit this planet have told us what they think and we still don't get it right most of the time. What is love? Today my thoughts turn to a heart that is fully open to another heart, or a plant, or a cloud. What do I mean fully open? I mean that bursting full, almost explosive feeling that can come such as when you see your new baby just as she is born.

This overwhelming feeling of love can come at seemingly random times. I have had the experience that I couldn't sustain life if I felt more joy. I thought my heart would burst. Not often. Not often enough. Because of my head. Thoughts, the monkey mind, get in the way. "I love him (if only he wouldn't...), I love her, but I can't open myself too much because she might leave me., I love this spot but soon  have to go." These thoughts can bum out any love burst.

Then I see a person like the Dalai Lama who gives his full attention to everyone he meets. With his open heart he blasts right into the hearts of everyone to whom he gives his attention. Amazing. I think there is something about letting go of our ego and our needs and being with the moment. Even the worst acting person has a heart in there. We can't see it because it is blotted out by hurt, anger, pain. If we went around and saw into every heart, we would be so inundated by information that it would be hard to live. But, if we could take it one step further and see the pure heart in everyone, I think that other stuff would fade completely.

So, today I, Christmas Eve, I am going to send love to all of you. I am going to send love to your pure heart where you are all perfect, where you are all the newborn babe in the manger. I love you.

"FEAR NOT"

OK. When the shepherds in the field saw what was happening at the birth of Jesus, they were afraid. I think it is a pretty natural response to having a mind blowing new experience. But, immediately the Heavenly Hosts, told them to fear not. I guess, a lot of time, we can so so captured by our fear that we can't hear the heavenly hosts telling us to fear not. I think their voices are there in any given situation. I have experienced the fact of having a guardian angel Most of us have. Each and every one of you can think of a near miss moment in which you were so close to taking a fatal, or disastrous turn and something held you back.

Even seemingly tiny things, like being about to walk into the street in front of a car you haven't noticed. You think you hear something, turn around to see what it is and there is nothing there. But in that second of hesitation, your life is saved. My Angel deserves a big tip, because she has to work overtime a lot.

I think our role in this deal is to turn. Faced with a terrible mortal fear, we need to turn to the light for a split second and the heavenly hosts can use that moment to tell us to fear not. When I was in El Salvador during the troubles, I was in a village where most of the people were already dead, but there had been a recent murder. Some army guys came through and I don't know what they had been told, but they were jumpy and outnumbered. This young kid came and put his gun in my face. My first thought was "I'm done." Then I took a breath and saw big fear in his eyes. I said, "You are afraid, too." In a split second, he lost his macho, lost his fear, lost his intent. He gave me a look of scorn and moved on. That was a gift from the gods to me.

Only once in my life have I seen the whole show. Once, trying to help someone who was dying, I was filled with frustration, as was she. I turned away from her and turned to God, and inwardly cried out "Help me here, I can't do this." Honestly, I saw a host of angels above her and suddenly everything went right. I didn't do anything except turn toward the light. Let's use this time of year to turn our thoughts, fear and frustrations to remind us that there is help when we ask. You really often don't even have to ask for help, just turn towards the light when the darkness starts to envelop you., and let God do the rest.

A Really Great Story, Take a Minute

Luke 2

King James Version

 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.

 (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)
 And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
 And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)
 To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
 And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
 And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
 And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
 And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.
 And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.
 And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.
 And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.
 But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.
 And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

God Help Us

This from Democracy Now! today:

9 Polio Workers Assassinated in Pakistan

At least nine medical workers have been killed in a series of attacks on a polio vaccination effort in Pakistan. Three people were killed earlier today near the city of Peshawar, one day after six workers, all female, were killed in Peshawar and Karachi. The shootings are believed to be a part of a militant campaign against polio eradication in response to the CIA-backed fake vaccination program in Pakistan that helped locate Osama bin Laden. Taliban warlords announced a ban on immunization efforts earlier this year, calling them a cover for espionage. Pakistan is one of three countries in the world where polio remains a large-scale risk.

OK, so much shit is happening that we scarcely have time to notice news like this. I think it surely relates to what I was talking about this morning when I spoke of the culture of violence in our country. So, it has cost us trillions of dollars and countless people from Afghanistan and Iraq and Yemen and so on and many American soldiers to assassinate Bin Laden. Yup. But here we have collateral damage that could kill many, many more people. Our CIA was proud of how clever they were to use the fake polio vaccinators to find Bin Laden. So now not only are the people trying to wipe out a terrible disease in a highly populated area victims of murder, but when polio spreads there will be countless other innocents who suffer terribly. I think our use of these volunteers and the reaction it has created is a crime against humanity.

In Cuba the CIA used priests to spy with the result that the churches were shut for years. In Guatemala we used Peace Corps kids to make reports that led to the deaths of many Mayans. Where does it begin and where does it end? I am sick over the pain and suffering our triumphs cause in the world. Who controls this stuff?  I am back to thinking that all we want is a violent end to everything. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are galloping toward us. If this is not someone's intention, how can we justify our actions? What is the big plan? Who are we really?

America, America, America

How can we change our culture of violence?  How can we reach for higher ideals? How can we defeat, on any level, huge, enormous vested interests and be more human?

I had this wonderful friend. We called him "The Great Peter Fish". We knew him in college and he was older than we were so we knew him in real life after he graduated and we looked up to him mightily. He was handsome, brilliant, funny, creative, and he enjoyed life to the fullest. He was also a man of excess, beating out almost everyone we knew. He could out-drink, out-party, get better grades, finesse everyone, mix perfectly with anyone, he lived large.

After a few years we started calling him "More Peter Fish", because his reaction to anything good was "More! More! More!" He was a huge success after college. He went to Madison Avenue and used his creativity. He was in off off Broadway plays. He drove a gorgeous sports car. He died large, also. He was hiding in California from the Chinese Mafia which his wife had gotten messed up with. He missed a curve while driving his motorcycle over 100 miles an hour on a curvy road. I am sure he was stoned and most likely drunk. He was no longer writing, acting, or working. His mother would never talk to us. It took us ages to track down even that much info about his death. I miss him 45 years later.

It's this "More!" thing that I am thinking about. "If a little is good, then more must be better." I think that is one of the causes of violence in America. Manifest Destiny. We learned that in school, in one of the few historically correct lessons of US History. God gave us the right to take all the land, kill all the Natives, import all the slaves. It was inevitable, it was written. And we grew and grew this feeling that if a little is good, a lot more must be better.

If one TV is fun, more TVs are better. If one car is good, more would be better. You know the picture. This also seems to be our theory about guns, about power, about control, about food, about booze, about stuff. None of this is without consequence. We are now victims of our own greed.  We, aside from everything else, are the greatest consumers on the planet. You know this. We are the polluters. We are extremely violent. I think being heavily armed all the time, being a control freak, domestic violence, bullying in schools is about being afraid and being out of control. Once any addict gets out of control, there first has to be an inner shift before change can happen.

Lama Marut suggests that we Americans need to have a mantra. That mantra needs to be "I have enough." You don't need to fill in the rest, your soul will. "I have enough stuff, power, control, booze, love, friends, pets, world dominance, electricity" and so on. After we 'get' this, maybe we can start to make the transformation our society needs for our actual survival. That is what is at stake here now. Our survival as humans, as an environment, and the survival of how we think of ourselves is important to the whole planet. Looking at us from afar, we look very weak right now. We are people who are so weak that a man takes automatic weapons and kills unarmed children to show his power.

Peter Fish was a good guy. Many of us are good guys, but we are losing our grip a a culture. I have enough. Do you?

How Can We Deplore Violence When It Is A Foundation of Our Culture?

We have to make a big shift, a shift so big that it would change the dynamic of the whole planet. When I speak her about violence here, I will refer to weapons, but I wish to include violence to the earth, to specific groups, (women, Muslims, 'enemies') and to mental as well as verbal violence. Mahatma Gandhi said that for every weapon made, the will come a bigger and better weapon. He said the only weapon that can out gun, so to speak, weapons so lethal that we haven't even invented them yet, is LOVE.

He knew that no weapon can ultimately win over non-violence. We all know that each great shift in global dynamics has come with the arrival of a newer and better weapon on the scene. We also know that we are the largest weapon manufacturer on the planet, the largest merchant of said crap. We don't agree to stop using land mines when the rest of the world does. We push, promote, hustle, give away, sell, weapons to anyone, anywhere. Remember Reagan and his arms deal to Iran? All the time, everywhere, even now. Look up some of the soldier of fortune magazines, look up some of the gun sales websites, check into what our government buys and sells above board each year. Go to your local grocery store in many states and shop for apples and guns.

So, how can we decry gun violence? Who are we kidding? Watch kids cartoons, watch movies, watch where we are making trouble legally or not all over the planet. Everywhere there is trouble, there we are. And how is it working out? Are we feeling really safe? Are our kids safe? Are our schools safe? Can we still keep the delusion that we are a peaceful nation with a random group of a few bad eggs? How do we solve national problems? We kill Bin Laden without charges, or trial or due process of any kind. Back in the 1300s people figured that that was barbaric.

I am all for banning assault weapons. I am all for stricter gun control laws, but I know that there has to be a piercingly clear evaluation of where we are and where we are going. As my friend, John Gardner used to say, "If God wants to send you a message, first He whispers, then He shouts, then He hits you over the head with a hammer." What hammer are we awaiting?

OK, I fired the maid.

The truth is that I have never had a maid before and I realize now that I never wanted one. I wanted cleaning help with my big house. I never figured out that a maid is there, like every time you turn around. She was so much more work than doing the work. In this particular instance, she was always late, and I mean hours late. She had no phone so I never knew whether she was coming or not. So I would wait 2 hours for her to come for 6 hours and so I was stuck at home or having to run home to pay her and let her out. I hated her cooking and never asked for it, but she would spend hours making me food. I could make a peanut butter sandwich in about 2 minutes. Did I tell you? Yes, I did, that she used seran wrap as a lid on the pan while cooking stuff.

Therefore I decided she was actually trying to kill me, which doesn't make sense because I was paying her well. I also finally figured out that she really didn't like me. I understand quite a bit of Spanish and she made sly remarks about me to my face. And the final straw was the Jesus thing, So she spent a good deal of her lunch break telling me that I was going to hell because I had Christmas decorations, I smoke, and I am not a Seventh Day Adventist. Heavy duty stuff.

In my middle class upbringing, we had cleaning help. That is all I think I can cope with. Now I feel free and lighter and slightly dustier, but was out and about all day feeling liberated.

But there is that other heaviness. The Connecticut school shooting heaviness. I am really glad the TV doesn't work. I don't want those images stamped on my brain. In Cuba, when the government decided that they didn't choose to have a society with gun murders, and gun threats, and they wanted to be a bit more civilized than their neighbor to the north, they made a plan that took care of the problem quickly. They said "No more guns." They had a gun buy-back program. Didn't matter how old or rusty or anything, all guns got a certain value, during a certain time period. Then after that it was against the law to own or carry a gun. If you got caught with one, you went to jail for a certain amount of time (like 2 years) The result of this dictator imposed, violating human rights, horror, was that the problem was over. The government meant that if you had a gun you went to jail. No wiggle room. Few people went to jail. There is virtually no gun violence in the whole country  days.

The reason I mention this, is that where there is a will, there is a way. Their path would not be ours. But if we ever choose the right to live without threat of being shot (even for a 6 year old) over the right to have a closet full of Glocks, we could solve the problem. I like the idea.

Blessings and compassion to all those who are suffering because of our inability to be rational. Blessings to all those who are suffering.

This is a thoughtful comment that came to my email.

I don't know how to post this as a comment on my own blog. So here it is as a 'post'.

Your take on aphorisms clicked in my mind. I too have collected these and played with phrases; I like words and when I was writing a lot in the 80's and 90's I spent such valuable time in my dictionary, thesaurus and Etymology text.  Here are some of the most long lasting: "I don't think  . . . " followed by thinking about some thing . .  . .;How can one be "more that welcome"?  Counter to the usual turn of the phrase, "It is far better to be healthy and wealthy."

Subjects you have touched;

The library this sunday is a presentation by a person versed in Prognostications from ancient to the present. I will report back. 

Also, today's issue 13th of the Ashland Daily Tidings was an interesting article, "If you don't know history, you don't know yourself. I clipped it.  For from the day that I discovered the mini-history of my forebears I knew better who I was. That felt so right. I think now that a personal family history would be the best, practical, and interesting way of teaching history. One could start off from the tracing of a fore-parent and connect that to where, say, George Washington was at the time. Or who FDR was politicking with. 

I will watch this evening a 2nd part to a Netflix series, "this Emotional Life" and see if it was as interesting as the first 90 minutes. I see that my idea has been studied: The very first hour from delivery a child learns to connect; and connections or not, carry ramifications for the whole of life. Julie, where did you come from - and how? I think I was removed from the tit far too early!

"Well, if that doesn't beat the bugs a bitin' I don't know what will. Any way, that sure tickles my fancy. You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy. That's all folks ! yukity yukity yuk.

I have been prompted by my senior "peers" to consider the prospect of becoming immobile and what would be my wish. To my mind Oregon is the only state that has a reasonable answer. Peers seem to be of a mind to let events evolve--to follow what every one else is doing and end up in a nursing home. Two of the group have done just that.  I say I must take other options. If I can   and    now. 

I send my Love with this, Bert

I hope you are not choosing between a nursing home and physician assisted suicide. What other options does Oregon offer? Previous blogs which discuss how to deal with old folks never brought forth creative options, especially when money is running low and family can't be counted on. So tell us more about your thinking here. You are loved, you know.

School Shooting

I am sick over this school shooting today. And it is early in the game, so the facts are fuzzy at best. But how many facts do we need to see that we have a terrible problem. It is just so sad that it is hard to focus.

Obama made a nice talk. He was genuinely moved. You could see that. But he also said it isn't the time to get worked up about gun control. Huh? I think it is the time. It is always the right time. Maybe this is just what they are saying now, but it looks like the mother of the killer legally owned two Glocks and a military automatic weapon and other killer equipment. She was a kindergarten teacher. Is that normal? Is that all right even if she didn't have a son who killed her and then killed all those others?

A man who went to jail for abusing a young friend, came after her after he got out of jail with a legal gun. Fortunately he didn't kill her, But, is that all right? He was hunting, just not for deer.

The pictures of the school after the kids were killed today showed tons of heavily armed men, everywhere. They had body armor, big fat heavy guns and they were escorting the kids out of the building. Wouldn't that traumatize any kid? The killer was dead and now these poor dear kids were surrounded by full war regalia big fat men. I think that is a weird way to follow a shooting trauma. How does a 5 year old know who is the good guy and who is the bad guy?

The logical answer it seems is that we need more armed squat (sic.) teams guarding the kids against armed intruders. More guns at the schools to guard against more guns. This does not do it for me. I thought that violent video games were bad for kids minds. But the real thing? how can a child come back from this?

Any idiot knows the correct answer. If people want to hunt Bambi, they could do it with rifles that let out one bullet at a time, require some skill to aim, some strength to carry and can't kill a room full of kids in a few minutes. I don't know when the 6 shooter was invented (sometime in the mid 1840s?) but it did allow the massacre of the Indians and the buffalo to take a great leap forward. Now all the marvelous new technology allows school shooters to be much more efficient.

This makes me so sad. It can't be anything resembling civilization. It is barbaric. Yes, by all means, share in the sadness, but by all means, bring back something resembling civilization. We need to be making good karma, not faster killing machines.

Rest in peace, children.

A Glimpse into My Day

I guess I am not entirely cut out for running a big house in Granada, Nicaragua. Some little trials  have happened today. A lot of the little trials revolve around my maid. Poor me. I think I really like her. She is trying very hard to make our time together educational for me. I think she thinks I am pretty stupid, and it is true to some degree. We are a fine example of bumbling.

She lectured me this morning that I got ripped off with these two mature bourgainvilla plants that I bought. She was actually miffed. I told this plant seller woman that I wanted 2 plants, pretty mature, one yellow and one pink. She came the next day to the door and brought me exactly what I wanted for 70 cordobas. (24 to $1). Marta felt that I got ripped off. Could have gotten both plants for 22 cordobas. But, you see, I would have had to navigate the market, found a plant seller, carried them home, that kind of deal. And to boot, I still would have paid more than Marta. So, I think she is trying to protect me, but doesn't get my freedom with a dollar.

Two different world experiences here. Marta hasn't seen her mother in Costa Rica for 12 years because it costs $20 at the border plus $30 bus fare plus missed work days. Very different planets. And yet she can navigate the market. This morning I went into the endless abyss of the market to buy another extension cord. I found the stall where I bought 2 the other day. The guy told me they didn't sell extension cords. "Who does?" He had no idea. I ended up in the hardware store paying three times as much as I did at the market, but pretty happy with myself for getting it. (There is one outlet somewhere near the ceiling for about every 1,000 square feet of this house) I got home and had forgotten to buy an adapter for the three prong, two prong thing. I went back, but not before I found Marta cooking the best rice ever (cilantro, carrots, green onion) in a big frying pan with seran wrap as the lid....while cooking. I ripped it off and said, "You can't melt plastic, it has BAD chemicals!" She said the lid didn't fit right and it was better cooked with a lid on.

I won that one. I got the adapter. I felt I had a brilliant morning accomplished at lot. But the water was off again. A water main had broken down the street. Then I noticed Marta was washing dishes. We had no water. Well, we do have a water storage tank in the old bathroom in a lead lined tank. "You aren't using that water on the dishes or the food?????" I kind of freaked out. No, she was using bottled water for the food (I hope so) but the lead water for the dishes. "If you leave them, you will get ants." OK, ants or lead poisoning? Hard choice.

I had eaten breakfast out and eaten a big breakfast, but she had cooked lunch and I told her to go ahead and eat, I would eat later. She prefers not to eat alone. So we shared our saran wrap rice and she told me much of her life story. It was fun and interesting. Still no water, no laundry done, dishes in the sink, and I told her she might as well go home. She then told me we have a big problem. There is a tiny mouse living in the oven because I never cook. She thinks we should light the oven and toast him. I said I would have to do that tomorrow because I had another big job I had to do today. I finally got her to go home, and headed out to buy an envelope (you can't keep a box of them because of the humidity) and  tape because they don't seal, and then go to the post office ( a corner in someone's house) This job actually only took a half hour, and a mile of walking.

So,  strange as it may seem, I am really enjoying my life here. The weather is gorgeous, I have nice friends, I like my big house. For a lot less $, like $10 a night, I could stay at a nice family hotel and have breakfast served everyday, but at this time, I kind of like being a busy house woman who races off on important errands. Oh ya, the internet now works here (after one month) but now the cable doesn't. I don't care anymore. Don't need the stress in my busy life. The bourgainvillas are already blooming. Marta planted the little roots that were on the bunch of cilantro and they grew a lot in a few days. Amazing. Toenails grow really fast here too. Are they the tropical plant part of the human body?

I've Talked About Lisa Before, She is a Living Saint

www.satsangwithlisa.org

Lisa is one of the most truly authentic people I have ever known. If anyone of you is suffering right now, spend some SKYPE time with her. You will feel so loved! Through all life there is but one thread. There is but one Truth that whispers here inside the fullness of creation. It is all that is, effortlessly expressing, defying definition. Our own breath, This is. Through thought or silence, re-cognition or ignorance, This is what "we" are, what one is. To see Lisa's schedule for 2013 visit her website: www.satsangwithlisa.org A time for deeper truth telling.  It is the time of the fire. In the darkest longest nights, there is a fire burning and it is inside the heart of your heart. It is the fire of Truth, fueled by the desire for freedom. If it is so, that you want freedom, then there must be the willingness to be tenacious in examining how you turn away by ignoring; by betraying yourself. I have been feeling such a strong desire to become more trustworthy to myself, and as I open to receive the fruits of this wholesome desire I see that willingness is the key. To be willing to simply look at what has been ignored. The reward is liberation from the grooves of habits laid down in childhood or beyond... the reward is deeper compassion toward myself and others - a kind of wisdom that has its source in silence, stillness, openness. The sessions I am offering have been a real inspiration, revealing a natural unmoving attentiveness that is present without effort. I have truly benefited and am grateful for the years of guidance from my beloved Gangaji and Eli that open the way for my life to be used to transmit this.  As one person who had a session reported recently, "I told my story and Lisa was simply still and listening and in that the story was reflected back to me. This was what made me see through it. Lisa didn't have to say anything." This reflecting is truly effortless on my part - I do not have the sense of "doing" anything except paying close attention to what is being shared. My life is truly enriched by this and I am seeing the benefits to others so I would like to encourage you if you are at all interested, to have a session with me. Free first session.  I am still offering free sessions to those who have not ever had one until January. After that, the sessions will be $75. There have been many requests for skype or phone sessions and so I would like to extend an offer for that now too. Please send an email to: info@satsangwithlisa.org to arrange an appointment. May all be in peace, may all thrive in intelligence and kindness. Lisa

Going It Alone

Once, may years ago, back when New England was in deep freeze for most of the winter, my kids and I were in Mexico. A friend invited us to his hacienda for lunch and a swim. It was enchanting, like the romantic old Mexico in the movies. He kept questioning me about what I was doing, traveling alone with my kids. I didn't 'get' what he was trying to tell me. I can be a bit thick, and so was his accent.

Finally, he said, "Let me get this straight. You got divorced because your husband was having an affair. You are taking care of three kids, working to support them, have your own house and car, and take out the garbage and clean the house?"

"Yes", I said.

"Then you are a stupid, gringa, burra."

I was kind of not flattered.

"Because you are a beast of burden, and a stubborn one at that."

"What would you have me do?"

"Why, any woman in her right mind would have run home to her Daddy with the children, thrown herself in bed in a nervous breakdown, and let her parents take care of her and the kids for a good long time until she felt like falling in love again."

"Wow!" I said. "Never occurred to me, never."

Years later when I was in Guatemala, the words for this song came to me. I love them, but never really could carry a tune, so it is still the words to a song that has never been sung. I, obviously, was still a stupid, gringa, burra. (In Guatemala, 'muchacha' is the generic word for maid.)

I AM MY OWN MUCHACHA 

When morning light breaks through the clouds,

When the children's voices rise in need,

When the hunger of a new day rumbles in my

body, soul, spirit,

I, alone, turn hoping for hope of help,

Only to discover - again - that

I am my own muchacha,

I play my own marimba,

I make my own tortilla,

I clean my own casita

and

I talk to God direct, you see

I am my own muchacha.

When the coffee beans need roasting,

When the filthy clothes pile up,

When the foundation and the roof are leaking,

crumbling, caving,

I, alone, turn hoping for hope of help

Only to discover - again - that

I am my own muchacha,

I play my own marimba,

I make my own tortilla,

I clean my own casita

and

I talk to God direct, you see

I am my own muchacha.

When the politicians increase repression,

When the skunk gets in the garbage,

When the water is not fit for drinking

and the ocean is full of slime,

I, alone, turn hoping for hope of help

(It's all inside you baby, don't forget.)

You are your own muchacha,

You play your own marimba,

You make your own tortilla,

You clean your own casita

and

You talk to God direct, you see

You are  your own muchacha.

When you seek a man or a helping hand

or an axe to cut some wood,

When the car is broke and so are you,

When the last bus left because you had no change,

You look for hope of hope in a 

passerby, in a stranger's eye,

in your confusing family,

BUT

You are your own muchacha,

You play your own marimba,

You make your own tortilla,

You clean your own casita

and

You talk to God direct, you see

You are  your own muchacha.

 When my worries waste me, toxins poison me,

and stress clogs up my blood,

(This life could kill me, yes, it could)

Then, like a sneak attack.. I sense

that blissful feeling and my step begins to skip

and I hug that starlit glamour,

and I no longer hope

For now again I know...

I am my own muchacha,

I play my own marimba,

I make my own tortilla,

I clean my own casita

and

I talk to God Direct

I am my own muchacha.

Sickening Feeling of Impending Doom, Part 11, the Mayan Link

Firstly, it is worth a read to check out the comment from Tahlia Iris on the original post of "Sickening". She describes how things are looking from her door in a posh California town. A town that smells of money and brains. She has both, but the dis-ease is still there. That is my restless feeling, that whatever we may use as the cause of our discomfort might not be the cause. Does that make sense? See if you relate.

 I want to add some thoughts that have come my way from other readers. Is this the Mayan thing? As we know, in our ignorance, the end of the Mayan Calendar is 12/21/12. This is not new news. Thousands of interpretations of this auspicious or inauspicious event have been offered. Depending on my mood, I go with a positive interpretation or a negative one. I can't believe that this date is not squishy. By that I mean, it is hard to believe that we are not already deeply into this change and that it will not continue for a while afterwards.

The most logical interpretation of this event that I have read is also a bit squishy. I have read that  it is the time of a cosmic choice in consciousness between turning towards the Light or going towards the Darkness. This is the BIG light or the BIG darkness. Will we continue to selfishly destroy Mother Earth, or will we put our all behind loving Her? Will we think of more ways to kill each other or will we put the same energy and money into caring for each other? That kind of choice.

Others have said that the earth's axis is going to make a shift with all the traumas that that entails. Well, I have read that the axis did make a shift at the time of the Fukushima earthquake. And on top of ordinary (!) Global Warming, we are feeling the results of that shift. Is there much more shift-wise to come?

But, in my experience, in my little cosmos, most everyone is feeling something around. Our job, as many readers pointed out to me is to stay steady, keep your eyes on the light, hold the course and be ready to be called upon to give a lot of love. Well, this is kind of a prescription for everyday.

I like it that the Mayan shift happens at the Winter Solstice. That is the moment when I feel the shift that means the light is conquering darkness. The shortest days are over. I love that Christmas and Chanukah are festivals of light. So, light up the candles, light the hearth, lighten up some kid's day, feed strangers, hang onto your hat and let's see what comes.

Muchas gracias to all you have written encouraging words. I take courage from you and your stories.

Who Needs My Help?

I am impressed and not impressed by all the aid workers rushing around Nicaragua. Firstly, it is always impressive that anyone will take the time to come to a struggling country and live in rough conditions and build a school or a playground or a clinic for those who need such aid. I have, of course, been a part of such projects.

At the same time several things distress me about the situation. I speak with people every day while I have my coffee in town. I ask questions about their projects. I am amazed at how ignorant most of the young workers are about the history of this country and about the history of the role of the USA in this ongoing disaster. I am also amazed at the ignorance or balls it must take for a 16 year old to come to a strange country and tell people they won't be "saved" unless they give up the awful Catholic Church and become a Mormon, or a Jehovah Witness, or a Jerry Falwell, or a Seventh Day Adventist, or churches and congregations I don't even recognize. And, we'll build you a clinic or give you food if you come to our Sunday Service.

AND, the second greatest message after "Jesus Saves" is that only extreme right wing politicians are righteous. The ministers of non-profit churches in the USA are preaching politics and connecting it all up with heaven. We do pretend sometimes to have separation of church and state.

So what is new? I don't know. I think of all the Christian Missionaries in Africa, in China. I remember the Catholic Crusaders, the Conquest of the New World. Nothing new, I guess. It just strikes me as kind of pathetic and using the situation here to feel good about ourselves. I mean, we supported the rape and pillage of this country and then more and more rape and pillage. Now we have the next best solution, let us come here, from our own good will and teach you how to farm (HUH!) and how to conserve nature (HUH!) and so on. We are doing so very well in our country, we'll demonstrate to you poor ignorant people how to live by our high moral standards.

Someday I will jot down notes as I have one of these illuminating conversations. A lot can be revealed in a short conversation.

Now that I've mad my rant, what would I like to see going on? I think I always end up in the same impossible place. I would like to see us fix ourselves before we claim the right and the wisdom to fix other countries. I like the idea of us building everyone in the USA a house or a clinic or a better school. I like leaving converting  separate from  aid. I like the idea of our Native Peoples becoming the shining example of how an oppressed culture can rise again. I like the idea of getting to the roots of poverty and getting rid of the roots. I like the idea of this being independent of government ideals and religious dependencies and  our impulse being to create that wich we could then proudly take to other countries.

That would be so cool. At the same time I guess I think it all has to start somewhere. My generation has a few people still kicking. Do we have anything to offer? I am not sure. We have created this mess. We have created the pollution, the global warming, the financial disaster, the winner take all world. Sometimes I think we must have a lot of valuable skills that might be of use. Other times I think we have to start learning from wiser people. One thing I can encourage in everyone is to start learning our history and the history of at least one other country. It is fun and exciting and it helps one understand the big and small plays that are being made that really do affect all our lives.

Make it even simpler, learn the history of one part of our country, and one tiny little other country,  (El Salvador, Haiti) It is a cool exercise.

Several Readers Offer me Help

When I speak of my mental anguish or anxiety, many of you offer your thoughts. They are extremely helpful especially as I am having that feeling that while I am surrounded by people, I am alone. This is kind of always true, in my experience. The gist of every piece of advice is to stay in the present and be grateful. In Vipassana Meditation (Insight Meditation) you are taught to go into your pain. Sometimes this is too hard. Mark Coleman, in a talk at Spirit Rock, teaches how to go back and forth between the suffering and a grounded safe place until you arrive at some objectivity and are safe deep inside of your pain and simultaneously free of it. I can dig this. It is the same thing my dear blog fiends are trying to help pound through my thick skull

I hope you enjoy this talk. For those of you in Northern California, Mark is speaking Monday night at Spirit Rock.
 
http://dharmaseed.org/teacher/115/talk/17769/

Is it Really "The Economy, Stupid?"

This is what we were told daily by the media and the politicians during the seemingly endless presidential campaign in the US. Were we being brainwashed or is this the real thing that we are all thinking about all the time?

I wonder about this. I think it is possible that the economic question is a sad outcome from our not facing much deeper and much more fundamental problems. Who are we? What do we want from life? Is our current trajectory producing a radiantly healthy happy nation? Are we able to sustain this? Are our relationships wonderful? Are we able to "do unto others as we would have them do unto us"? These kinds of questions have to be having a much more profound effect on us than the simplistic notion that all is well with everyone if we have jobs and money to spend.

I fully know how difficult it is to be without money. I remember more than one Christmas past when our electricity was shut off because I couldn't pay the bill. I know that that is nothing compared to real poverty. We were bringing aid to a Guatemalan refugee camp in Chiapas on New Years and children were dying from starvation next to us. I have seen these devastations up close and personal.

I think the problem of the economy is not scarcity, but distribution. I have seen documentaries of ranchers stampeding cattle off cliffs during the Great Depression because it wasn't worth their while to run them to Chicago to get the meat to the staring east coast people. I have seen a child in Guatemala shot for stealing an avocado from a Dole Plantation. I have seen it.

And don't go thinking that I am a communist or a socialist. I have yet to see a political system that doesn't run into the same dull problems of power and control and greed. I think the solution has to be awareness and experience and most of all grasping the notion that there is enough. There is enough for there to be rich folks, and dignity for ordinary folks, and food for all, and a collective effort to maintain standards of care for all. Mother Earth is all about abundance. If we could make the inner shift to the realization that we would all be safer, happier, healthier if we could care about others, then maybe we could find the political, economic ways to accomplish this.

I think we are still operating on the wild west principle. We can shoot those buffalo for fun and a little profit, or we can strip the mountains for coal or suck out the insides of the earth for oil. What the fuck, there is always the next frontier.

We can't be happy. We don't even look happy to the rest of the world. 40,000,000 people go to bed hungry in the USA and about 1/3 of the country looks like they weigh 300 pounds. It doesn't look happy or healthy. Let's get back to the concept of Brotherly Love, and dig much deeper into the reasons why we need so much defense and killing and turn things around right now. It is not too late.



The Holy Bible Containing the Old & New Testaments...: The Acts to Revelations (Google Affiliate Ad)

Mark Twain...Is This True Anymore?

Noise proves nothing--often
   a hen who has merely 
laid an egg, cackles as if she
   had laid an asteroid.

We know this. We can think of the big braggart who actually has done nothing at all. And on the other side, the quiet person who accomplishes so much without a peep. Some of the aid projects in third world countries are like this. You get the big flashy projects that have big give away  promos and make a big noise and then you have the quiet slow projects like teaching literacy that will change the future of the whole family, but these are slow and don't show results today.

I am absolutely for giving food to a starving people, but I am also promoting digging wells, giving seeds, fish hooks, whatever it will take to help people get on their feet. It is no surprise that literacy is almost at the top of the list. Even in a country with abundant food and water, without the ability to read, people are assured of a life of everyday being the same, the hunt for food or a few cents is completely all consuming.

One hears a lot of discussion about what aid projects work and what ones don't. It is a subject that needs constant rethinking.Let me know your experieces with things that work and things that don't.
We need to figure this out in the first word countries also. We need it now.

Sickening Feeling of Impending Doom

Often I can see the future. Right now I am blocking the intuition that is trying to come through. This is not good because it leaves in its place that bad feeling. That bad feeling that something is going to happen that I am not ready for. My mind can create a list of possibilities that is endless. They pop up all the time, unbidden. My heart is heavy. It is not that broken feeling, just a heavy one. (maybe it is physical and I am having mini strokes or working up to a heart attack) I am distracted. I forget to wait for my change at the market. I go to bed without brushing my teeth.

I guess I know what it is about, but these other things keep coming up as possibilities; earthquake in San Francisco..never see my grand daughter who lives there again, war in the Middle East, real war, not one giant against a mouse losing my debit card and all my friends being unreachable. That kind of random shit.

So I am trying to be grateful for everything, stay in the moment, focus my mind. The moment couldn't be better. Had a great day yesterday. It is a stunning morning, not a cloud in the sky. My belly is full and not protesting. I downloaded what promises to be a really good book and I will swim this afternoon. Yet, impending doom. It is not exactly random anxiety, but when there is nothing you can do to change the situation, it is a serious discipline to stay in the moment. To know as well as to remember that "all things work for the good for those who love God".

It is the challenge of every parent to let their child live his/her own karma. But the proof is in the pudding. Can I do it? I am here today in this limbo. I am a good action person, but when I can't see an action, I come to a dead stop. And the sure sign is I don't want to be distracted. I don't want to go to the movies or dancing, and my solitaire game is off some thing wicked. Restless, anxiousness with good cause isn't ultimately any different from the same feelings without good cause. They are a waste of energy and a waste of the moment.

I don't mean for this to be a moan, I am just letting you know my challenge for today. I don't know who my readers are, but I do know that there are thousands of you and I am so grateful to have people who will be with me during my ups and downs. I'm guessing you all have had a few experiences of your own and you are still alive and very much functioning, so there is a lot of inspiration coming towards me. gracias, amigos.

.Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Actions speak louder than words
Sometimes.
Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.
Not true.
If thoughts could kill...
They can.
It's better to give than to receive.
Sometimes.
A stitch in time saves nine.
True.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Sometimes.
If the shoe fits, wear it.
I don't get it.
Better to be safe than sorry.
Mostly.
If you have nothing to say, keep quiet.
True.
Money can't buy happiness.
True.
The best things in life are free.
Not true. Even love costs at some point.
Happiness runs in a circular motion.
Very true.

One year in college when we were going stir crazy with exams or something, my friend Bobbin and I started a back and forth, challenging each other  with who could come up with the most aphorisms. We were remarkably fast and whipped through them, but after we had covered so many, sometimes a day or two went by before I would get a middle of the night phone call answering to the gleeful voice of Bobbin yelling "It's as easy a duck soup" or some such thing. Finally our parents put an end to the contest as it was awakening the whole house at all hours. (You didn't use the phone in those days except for 'important' calls.

The thing was, I don't know if anyone hears these marvelous collections of wisdom any more. I also would have to put in some considerable thinking to evaluate whether they have panned out in my life experience. Above are a few evals.

Also, what the fuck does "It is as easy as duck soup" mean? Our friend Lee postulated that it could mean that the duck is paddling around in his soup so all he has to do is poke his head in the water for a mouth full. Bobbin thought maybe you just throw the duck into the pot and Voila! duck soup. I could go either way. It all seems hard to me, I mean, don't you have to take the feathers off, and all that to make soup. sounds like work to me. It also sounds like work for the little duck to paddle around most of the day in order to get a free lunch.

That reminds me of the great saying in Susan Sontag's (????not sure) book from the sixties. "There is no such thing as a zipless fuck." That turns out to be true. The Buddhists have a nicer way of saying that. ""If you mix your bodily fluids, you join karma to some degree.

We did have a way with words back in the day.

It is such a beautiful night

It is such a beautiful night. The stars are showing their brilliance with Orion low on the horizon early in the evening. This close to the equator days are pretty much from 6 to 6, pretty much every day of the year. We are into about day 4 of the Purissima celebrations of the feast of the Immaculate Conception. The Virgin is the biggest deal for Catholics here and she is the protector and patron saint of Granada having saved this city from ruin more than once. For this I am grateful. So each night she stays on a different main street and each evening there is a procession from where she spends the night to the Cathedral. Each night the floats and music bests the ones before. Tonite we had the pope (around 18 years old) blessing everyone and releasing doves in his message of peace on one float.

He was following a live tableau of Virgin Marys at different phases of her life. Absolutely gorgeous. Music was Ave Maria on loudspeakers on pick up trucks. It actually worked. Who knew?

I began a new phase of my tiny dentistry program today. Carlos found me while I was having lunch with my dentist, Jaime Salinas. Carlos is a kid who was very loyal in his devotion to begging food from me last year. He is really bright and attractive. Last year he ran a lot of errands for me and we became friends. Last year he went to school. He is 9 or so. This year when my son and I ran into him, he gave us his usual huge grin and hugged my son like a lost father. He didn't look as healthy this year, but he said his mother is working now. She sweeps streets. She probably gets paid ten cents an hour. She has 5 kids. This is better than last year when she wasn't working and was sick all the time. I haven't met her.

In any case, I had the good dentist look at his teeth right there in the restaurant and he has big honking cavities in his molars. So we took him in a cab to show him where the dentist's office is and explain that he needs to get his teeth fixed and next Saturday he has an appointment. I bought him food for his family and we are ready to get started. Our little foundation will pay. I will go with him. I asked the dentist what he thinks about Carlos' health. He said he looks fine, but needs more food.  He is so bright and loyal. We will see if we can get him a little job or a little business and hope that he can go back to school again.

It is hard for a kid to feed a family, and stay cheerful. It is hard for anyone. He chose me and he chose my son, so I guess we had better see what a little bit of opportunity can do to boost his life. He is that kid one meets every now and again who has a real sparkle. When we go out together, local people always wave and smile at him. this is very different from the usual reaction to street kids. We'll see. I told him the Virgin was looking out for him and he thought about it and pretty much wanted to know if she had food.