The Rght Question

We have all heard again and again about the importance of listening. Self-help groups, pass the stick in the circle, wait your turn, don't interrupt - all very important. But my friend Louis and I recently have been struck by the now obvious deal that if you have not asked the right question, all the good listening in the world won't help. I'll give you some examples and you will probably have a lot to add.

My new friend Melissa had an emergency at her beach house in Nicaragua. The house is pretty isolated and it was New Years morning. There were not many people around (understatement). She knew a man who was extremely resourceful and had the equipment that could help. She asked her gatekeeper where the man was from. He named a place hours away. She discounted him as a possibility and they solved the problem without him which involved cutting down a favorite tree. She found out later that the man lived right down the street. But he was FROM far away. Wrong question.

Many years ago, I was in Brighton, England with Patrick and my two year old daughter. She was just toilet trained and had to go to the bathroom. I asked the woman at the counter whether they had a bathroom. She said "no". She turned away and we had to leave our lunch to go running around to find one for Ariel. After a hectic time we found a "loo" in a hallway next door. I should have asked, "Where is the nearest bathroom?"

Last summer when I was in extreme distress, My friend, my most special Lisa came to hold my hand. I was shaking from worry and fatigue. I asked Lisa how could I help the problem, how could I give what I wanted to when I was so exhausted? How could I carry on? Lisa told me my questions were the wrong ones. "You should be asking, "How much love can I take?" You can't imagine how this different question impacted me. I felt a cosmic shift inwardly. I felt fully enveloped in caring arms, and there began a deluge of loving kindness raining down on me.

On a more humorous note: Once my kids and I were in Zihuatenejo Mexico and for some reason we had to go to Mexico City the next day. to catch a flight home. I left the kids at the hotel pool and went to the travel agent (remember those days?) and asked her to book us a flight the next day. She checked her computer and allowed as how there were no openings, no seats, no chance. I couldn't believe this and was floored. I just sat there and stared at her, no idea what to do. I bought us both a coke. She kept pecking at her computer. She left and went to lunch. I was seeing 4 plane tickets to the US going down the tubes and probably didn't have the $ to change them. When she came back from lunch she made one more peck,and then threw me a life line. "Unless" she said, "unless you want to go in the morning." "You have openings in the morning?" I screamed. "Yes, all the planes are empty in the morning, no one ever takes them. Tourists don't want to leave until the late afternoon." I maybe should have asked about morning flights, because that, in fact, was what we wanted.

This blog is going to be on whatever is on my mind on a given day. I once had a Public Access TV show called "Ask Julie". In my intro I said, I had lots of thoughts, lots of opinions, a good deal of intuition, a lifetime of experiences and some education. I love telling stories. Tomorrow I'll post the story of my recent walk on The Camino de Santiago de Campostella. Hasta manana.