I went to this conference last week for people who had had traumatic experiences on cruises.

I had never been on a cruise, but I figured that my accumulated experiences at sea qualified me as a participant. I also wanted to meet people who were suffering from PTSD in a way that maybe I could relate to. It was relatively inexpensive. It was only a week. I was a fully crazy idea. Now I know.

The cruise ship was never going to leave port in Florida. The idea was that we could learn to feel safe again and resume our life of cruising. Never mind that it was hurricane season. Never mind that it was a collection of crazed people in a confined environment.

Right away I knew why I had never been on a cruise. The lines to board the ship were slow. People were so uptight. They had tons of luggage. I had a little day pack. What the hell could they have in those gigantic suitcases? They mostly all looked like KMart  casual, tee shirts with glitter, too tight pants, and big hair. That is except for the Europeans. God, do Italians know how to dress well? The answer is "yes".

So, lines are bad enough, but lines of people facing their fears are even worse. The guy in front of me had green neon flip flops on. Right away, as if we were best friends, he asked me to look at the place where his little toe had been. "Oh gross!" I said. His toe had been chewed off by a rat when he had passed out on the deck one night. Every time he passed out he awoke having nightmares about rats. "Is it possible that booze is your problem?" I probed. He didn't think so, it had never bothered him before the rat incident. "Oh shit,"  His attention quickly turned away from me and he was proudly showing off his war wound to the next people in the line.

People were definitely getting agitated. The beauty of the program became apparent when the loudspeaker came on and a soothing sympathetic, low modulated voice told us that we were safe and to shut our eyes for a minute and start taking deep breaths. Good. A few people quieted down. "That's better. Focus on the positive. Deep breath." Some people can take deep breaths and still talk in hysterical voices, but most started getting into it.

I flash backed to a flashback. When I was filling out the application to the conference, I relived some of my worst moments at sea. I felt nauseous. Who knew how shallowly these memories hid below the surface ready to pounce?

Stay tuned for the next episode of The Shadow.