For God's Sake, Change Your Story!

I met this young woman at a dinner party. Let's call her Heather. Heather is bright and quick to laugh. She had a complicated story of a series of misfortunes that she has endured of late. I have run into her a few times in the past weeks. Each time, some little thing has gone wrong, she couldn't get a taxi, someone didn't show up for an appointment, her email wasn't working. Each time she has said with sighs of defeat, "That is the story of my life right now. Everything is falling apart and nothing works."

After I saw her today, I wished I had run after her and told her that she is creating the story of her life right now. She is repeating the crap and letting it define her. The pile of little events confirming herr defeat is growing. She is the author. I want to tell her to change her story.

I have done this. Fake it until you make it. I understand pain and suffering. We all do. One of the Noble Truths shared by Buddha is that "Life is suffering." We know this. But we also know that "Like attracts like." When you meet someone and give a big smile and say that you feel 'great', positive energy flows to you and from you. It is simple. If you want that flow, start that flow.

I had a friend, Jim Grant who used to give truthful compliments to random people, telling the woman in the toll booth that she had sparkling eyes or a beautiful smile. The person getting the random compliment would light up like a Christmas tree. And it came flooding back to him. I liked to hang with him just to watch him spread his fairy dust.  I know other people who become their shitty story and it becomes their best friend, their most precious possession. They stay there getting their kicks out of their misery. I have been there also.

I understand the therapeutic value in telling your bad story when it can help others see that you have come through something to a new place, a place of change and you are creating a new narrative, changing your destiny. (As in 12 step meetings) This is a gift to others. That's good karma.

I will seek out this woman. I will tell her what I have experienced. I will stop one of my own stupid defeat narratives. Whenever I enter a contest or there is a door prize, the first words from my mouth are "I never win anything." I will try the opposite and see whether or not I can set the laws of attraction into action. Everyone can be our teacher. That's cool.