Go to Europe And Find Yourself

When I was young, sigh, and a kid didn't want to go to college, or was flunking out of college, or messing up their last year of high school, almost any self respecting middle or upper class parent would bring out the solution: "Go to Europe and find yourself".

I do understand that it was practically free because of the strength of the dollar at that time. But this relates to yesterday's post about the concept that if something doesn't work more of the same will.

So, the parents sent the lost or floundering kid off to Europe to experience the consequences of his/her own decision making. If you spent all your money at once, well then you didn't have money. If you missed your train, you had to figure it out. Nobody called home unless there was a death or something equally grave. And we made mistakes and we had a blast and we learned whom to trust and what we liked and we did end up going to museums and churches and going to countries we hadn't planned on. And we got into hairy situations. My parents sent me on a tour and it was so freewheeling that I didn't even have to scheme to ditch it.

What I see today is the opposite approach by many parents, and I am trying to figure out what it means. If a kid gets in trouble or has run out of steam or is unhappy, many parents tighten the reins. They load up curfews and monitor homework, and make tighter rules and make more sanctions. This approach seems pretty much guaranteed to make everyone more miserable and angry.

 "The world is more dangerous", I hear. But is it less dangerous for kids from other countries, many other countries who go on the road for their 'gap' year? Who might discover their passion in life by getting away from their parent's expectations?

A young friend of mine was so done with the regulations of high school, and had skipped a lot of classes and thereby acquired a lot of detentions and then skipped a few of them, thereby quadrupling them. So, basically she needed to be in Saturday detention doing nothing for the rest of her life on earth. So, she went to junior college to finish high school, where she was on her own like any college student. No one was telling her to do her homework or to get to class or to come in at a certain time. She did great. If something isn't working, try something different.


That's my advice for today.