So, I went to the good doctor and....

I generally consider myself a person of above average intelligence. That is already a dumb thing to do, but when you get living proof of how stupid you are you really do have to consider reconsidering all previously held beliefs.

When I think that I have been saying that I am tired a lot for eight months. When I consider that I have self-diagnosed with all sorts of stomach cancers for at least six months. When I told my son what I want for my current funeral plans and then when I think about walking into the doctor's office this morning, relating my two worst symptoms and hearing loud and clear his first question before he even started my exam..."When did you least take your anti-parasite medicine?" "Ah, never". "Never!", "Yes, Never!", "Never?" OK. You get the idea.

He did a thorough exam." Firstly, you have parasites. You'll take the anti-parasite for two days and we'll run a few tests." the tests are for anemia...ya, with all my organic vegetarian food, I could be suffering from malnutrition because of the parasites! And for kidney function. I could have caused a bit of harm there because of my long neglected parasites...and so on.

Then I got the lecture. "You don't have to be dirty or eat dirty food or water to get parasites. They survive a long time without hosts. You might have touched you shoe and not remembered it and somehow touched your mouth. That simple. Everyone who lives here (natives) or travels here needs to take parasite medicine at least twice a year. If you have symptoms, more often. All my years of visiting Central and South America and I never knew this. I knew the signs and symptoms of amoebas and of dysentery and giardia, but not the parasite thing.

This is what I am talking about being smart but not truly smart. So, after Alex and Yvonne took my sorry ass to the doctor. (No poop test necessary..no wondering about this diagnosis) we went to the lab. There I was told that I had to come at six tomorrow morning and I couldn't eat anything after 7 tonite and no grass at dinner. OK, I thought, I wasn't planning on grass. But they kept repeating this in English and I knew I was too out to lunch to understand. No grass at dinner?? Then I got the drift. They were saying the Spanish word 'grasa' and thinking the English word was grass. OK no fat tonite. Then we had to go out for espresso and cake to fortify ourselves for the horrible wait at the pharmacy.

Part of the reason the wait is horrible is because it costs so much money. The medicines (Two magic pills and no more parasites! Now that I know I have them I can't live with them another second. My imagination is picturing all those little fuckers laying their eggs and multiplying. Ugh.) don't cost much at all. What costs is all the sad, mutilated old ladies begging for money for their medicines. They might be scamming. I don't know, but the longer you stand there in line, the harder it is to turn them down. There but for the grace of God, go I.