I was at the fabulous Hotel Granada swimming pool in Granada, Nicaragua. (gigantic, surrounded by lush foliage, salt water, great place to catch up on the world news as people arrive from all over all the time) There was a large catered birthday party happening on one side. The waiters set everything up and then about forty moms arrived with their seven year old children in tow.
This was definitely a well-heeled group. I would guess the kids went to the international school in Managua. It was about half Norte Americanos and half Nicaraguans. The kids all looked great and only wanted to get in the pool. The Nicaraguan moms were beautifully put together...lovely clothes, jewelry, perfect hair. The whole nine yards. The American moms were sporty, plain, giving off the harried mom, thrown together at the last minute vibe.
The kids hit the pool, the moms chatted around the drinks table for a few minutes but the American moms couldn't seem to stay in the conversation. They drifted poolside to watch the kids. Every kid knew how to swim. The pool is shallow. They were happily playing together and there were many adults around, both in the pool and around it.
While the Nicaraguan moms reclined in lounge chairs, laughing, chatting, enjoying the beautiful day, the American moms, to a one, were anxiously standing poolside looking as if they were watching their kids do a high dive for the first time. "Bobby!!! Are you hydrated!!", "Play nice, Beth!", "Are you cold yet, Suzie?", "Stay at this end..Now! Listen to me!!!!!" (the whole pool is the same depth) The kids were all doing great. They weren't running, diving in shallow water, or bugging each other.
When the party was winding down, the Nicaraguan kids found their mothers. The all kissed each other a lot and they left. The poor American moms left looking like they had run the marathon, wilted, exhausted, probably hoping to get a chance to relax.
Watching the kids, I couldn't tell what nationality they were. Watching the moms, it was clear. I felt sad for the moms. They were working too hard. I felt badly for the kids because the kept getting interrupted in their play. It kind of made them look like they were unable to do for themselves the normal functions of being a kid. Are we guilty of creating our own stress? Why do we lay this on kids?
Really- you sound irritated. We worry about our kids, what makes one person a better judge than another of how we do things? I value your observation that certain people looked harried while others didn't, but really what do you MEAN? I am curious, because I am always conscious of what people think of me, and yet, I do my parenting the way that works for the family, usually, not about some sense of what I should or shouldn't do.
ReplyDeleteI'm from the United States and I've been living with my family (husband, daughter 7, son 5) for the past 8 months in Latin America. We spent 3 months in Costa Rica, 2 months in Uruguay and have spent the last 3 months in Ecuador where we plan to stay through July. There is a definite difference in the way adults and parents interact with children here than in the U.S. I appreciated this article and the observations that were made were fairly accurate to my own experience and observations. I didn't feel any judgement and I think the questions are good ones. I think we do often create our own stress and that is one reason we are doing this traveling - to ease up our lifestyle. I find here that there is much more of a "community feel" in regards to the children. I am sure I could still be pegged as an "American (U.S.) mom" but I'm adopting some of the more relaxed attitude that I've come to appreciate from living here. I think it's best to do what works for us and our family and I also think that there are times when we can re-evaluate if what we are doing is really working or if it's just familiar.
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