Coming Out of the Fog

I am not out yet but it is lifting. My fog was from malnutrition and fear, I guess. I understand a lot about other people's suffering now. I understand the sagging shoulders, the blank eyes, the lack of umph that I see in movies, on TV, and on the streets and sometimes in schools.

I had experienced hunger in the village I worked in in El Salvador. I had experienced hunger in a Guatemalan refugee camp in Chiapas. But in both those cases, I knew I was leaving and coming home to food. The last few months when I have been so sick, and declining by the day, my perspective changed.

So, the nutshell version. Last summer, I was tired a lot, but I am getting older and I didn't think too much about it. I also was hungry a lot, but then not very interested in the food when I made it. This past November when my son came to Nica to travel with me, I had some very bad days. I had smashing headaches and sometimes no energy and sometimes hyper energy.  I have always been pretty intuitive and certainly knew my own mind. I was ignoring my foggy intuitions and not knowing what I wanted. My head was in a perpetual fog.

I was so tired that it seemed like too much to go get food. I rented a house that was all wrong, because I was so desperate to lay my head down. I finally got a friend to go to the doctor with me. The first question he asked me was when I had last taken parasite medicine. (I've told you this before). He made some prescriptions for me. Two different medicines. By this time I could hardly eat. Because of my general depletion, I was getting infections at an alarming rate. I had an eye infection, a UTI, an infected tooth. I caught a cold. I started dropping weight really fast. I was 117 pounds. I dragged my sorry ass to the laboratory with the help of friends and had a bunch of tests. I still had parasites! I still had the bladder infection. I couldn't make a decision except to go to a different doctor.

He checked me our and prescribed round three of parasite meds, round three of antibiotics for my other shit, prescribed an ultrasound for the mass in my stomach, still loosing weight. No brains, Drunk landlady went berserk and I moved to a friend's house. The ultrasound guy said I needed an endoscopy and maybe an MRI. Thought maybe I has a tumor.

But then !!!the next parasite test came up clear. I could eat. And the healthy great food I had been eating all along started to feed me instead of the amoebas. Then with a little help, all my infections cleared up, and the endoscopy turned out to show advanced gastritis (a natural result of my infestation). I am on my way to getting my strength back. I am waking from the fog little by little. At this point I have postponed my funeral. (You would have liked it)

I read that more than 50,000,000 people world wide have bad parasites. I know that millions and millions of people are starving today. It is a terrible experience to starve for one person. When your mental faculties are effected, it is ten times worse. You just can't get anything right. We have to figure out how to feed each other and at the same time help each other recognize amoebas. (I had not one of the usual symptoms) and get them before they get us.