Expanding and Moderating my Asshole Theory of Human Behavior

As I have said before, I made this theory sometime in High School that "Assholes spend their lives proving that they are assholes." I am going to look at this from another direction and see what my part in this dynamic is.

I did not consider the notion that people I consider to be assholes often aren't thought of as such by other people. Oops. That has to mean that there is no objective assholery involved. Therefore, at least part of the situation has to be coming from me. Never did think of that. I have made some profound gaps in logic in my lifetime. I have been a loyal devotee to some of my theories, finding proof for them over and over.

This afternoon, I was writing off an acquaintance with this thinking and was struck by the thought that my graven image of her placed her in a role in relation to me that was fixed and unmovable. Of course, I was going to find proof for my theory each time I encountered her. From my side, I was a set up for her. My thoughts, my flippant attitude, my "I could care less." attitude condemned our future encounters.

How many of these Groundhog Day scenarios does each of us have running through our lives? "That guy is always rude.", "She has no sense of humor.", "He's a jerk." (expansions to other graven images), but all coming from my judgement and excusing my role in the interactions. I am not saying one should have no memory, no discernment, no canny. If someone is dangerous, or hateful, or hurtful, of course we should avoid them at all costs. I am talking about the dismissive little tapes that can pop up. So, if the other person isn't always a jerk, in fact can be seen by others as a good friend, then I can let go of my part of the karma that makes our interaction jerky.

I think this is under the heading of "Change the way I see him." If I change my thinking to compassion for the other person and the difficulties they face, it is hard to see him as a jerk at the same time.

I have gone a bit theoretical here, but I get my drift. I think we can transform many, many petty feelings into neutral feelings and be released from dumb, habitual traps of thoughts and little karmic entrapments.