I have many more questions than answers, believe me. My tendency always is to side with the oppressed. My stance is against war. War is a stupid, useless, act of ugliness and pain and waste. It is never nice. It always seems to force both sides into becoming that which they despise in the other. It requires no creativity. It is cave man crap.
Any reader of my blog knows well that this is how I think. But on this Israel Palestine horror, I have questions that I think need to be addressed;
Firstly, Is this a religious war or a political one?The Israelis are almost always described as Jews. That sounds like religion, but maybe it is being used as a racial thing. That forces the discussion about politics into the religious arena. If you are against the tactics of Israel you must be against Jews. Messy thinking.
The Palestinians are often described as Arab. That is confusing as most Palestinians through genetics are descended from Jews. The Muslim conquests resulted in conversions over the years. There was also, historically a large Christian population among the converts. Very bewildering to me. Most Palestinians are now refugees in other countries. Most Palestinians speak both Arabic and Hebrew. It seems to me that they have a lot of common ground with the history of the Jewish people.
What occurs to me is that if this is a religious war, then the discussion and solution of the never ending crisis should be hammered out by religious people, not soldiers and so called diplomats from countries that can hardly be distinguished from the combatants. Why the hell is a US president or State Department person in Egypt talking to God knows whom about what we will accept or not?
If this is a religious war, then get the leaders of the great religions of the world to be the peace talk participants. Pope Francis, Dalai Lama, Thich Naht Hahn, Chief John Pretty on Top, Desmond Tutu...why aren't they in Jerusalem making peace? Pope Francis gave a powerful statement yesterday begging both sides to STOP IT NOW!
Do thoughts like this belie the whole idea that this is about religion? Are the Israelis hiding behind the Jewish identity? Are they deliberately conflagrating the issue for sympathy? Are the Sunnis doing the same thing? What lies are people dying for? What lies are people killing for? I am confused.
Can any US citizen not remember what we did to the first peoples here on our soil when we get righteous about what we are doing to the Palestinians? This is what we do. We use overwhelming power to get land and resources. Think about it.
In El Salvador, the thirty year civil war stopped almost to the day we stopped funding it. Just a thought.
Monday, July 28, 2014
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Thoughts Reflecting on a Museum Visit
Yesterday I was at the Legion of Honor Museum in San Francisco. Karen and I went to check out the current exhibits. Karen and I both live nowhere and travel much, she more than I. It is pretty remarkable how often we get to spend a few days together.
The exhibition of Intimate Impressionism from the National Gallery was most lovely. It was kind of stunning to realize that the paintings (many from the late 1880's to the early 1900s) were revolutionary and scandalous. From my perspective, they are so sweet and innocent and pretty and balanced. It is also a little crazy to think of California at the time this art was being created. The Indian genocides and the buffalo genocides were over. The gold rush was over and the San Francisco earthquake hadn't happened yet. New new new.
In Europe where these painters lived, the thrust was to topple the domination of the accepted norms in art. It was revolutionary to paint from 'real' life instead of painting a Greek myth or a scene from the Bible. It was even more revolutionary to paint people who weren't aristocracy. Unheard of. And plein air painters, give me a break, what did they think they were doing? And a plein air painter who conveyed a feeling through his/her use of light on a haystack? Break through.
One thing that struck me was although some contemporary art has gone very far from the simplicity of real life and has been quite remarkable at showing the distress and alienation and fear and horror of the contemporary psyche, many contemporary artists are returning to plein air. Young people I talk with who are going to art school are excited about painting the natural world.
What I was was wondering is whether there is a cyclical trend happening. Then I realize it probably won't go all the way back because it is fast becoming rare for a universal familiarity with the classics to exist. I am happy to enjoy plein air paintings whether in museums or new works.
Yesterday I had no tolerance for the Old Masters. I am in a California kind of mood. I like the pastels and the turquoise and bright pinks that reflect the flowers that are everywhere in Marin in the summer.
The exhibition of Intimate Impressionism from the National Gallery was most lovely. It was kind of stunning to realize that the paintings (many from the late 1880's to the early 1900s) were revolutionary and scandalous. From my perspective, they are so sweet and innocent and pretty and balanced. It is also a little crazy to think of California at the time this art was being created. The Indian genocides and the buffalo genocides were over. The gold rush was over and the San Francisco earthquake hadn't happened yet. New new new.
In Europe where these painters lived, the thrust was to topple the domination of the accepted norms in art. It was revolutionary to paint from 'real' life instead of painting a Greek myth or a scene from the Bible. It was even more revolutionary to paint people who weren't aristocracy. Unheard of. And plein air painters, give me a break, what did they think they were doing? And a plein air painter who conveyed a feeling through his/her use of light on a haystack? Break through.
One thing that struck me was although some contemporary art has gone very far from the simplicity of real life and has been quite remarkable at showing the distress and alienation and fear and horror of the contemporary psyche, many contemporary artists are returning to plein air. Young people I talk with who are going to art school are excited about painting the natural world.
What I was was wondering is whether there is a cyclical trend happening. Then I realize it probably won't go all the way back because it is fast becoming rare for a universal familiarity with the classics to exist. I am happy to enjoy plein air paintings whether in museums or new works.
Yesterday I had no tolerance for the Old Masters. I am in a California kind of mood. I like the pastels and the turquoise and bright pinks that reflect the flowers that are everywhere in Marin in the summer.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Does Trying to Avoid Suffering Really Cause More Suffering?
There are, naturally, no absolutes. But, today I thought of something that happened to me recently. This past spring when I was so sick with something going on in my stomach, the doc and various specialists had ruled out everything they could think of. I had had every test they could think of and nothing had shown up. I still had such pain that it woke me up in the night and kept me from eating much of the day. One nice specialist after looking at all my test results offered OXY. He said it would help with the pain. I looked at him like he was crazy and declined.
The thing is that I have an addictive personality. I have had multiple and concurrent addictions most of my life. I smoked, ate chocolate and read murder mysteries at the same time for hours daily while those were my 'problem'. keeping secret stashes hidden in case of emergencies. So, having watched friends suffer from narcotics addictions, from having read the statistics about OXY addiction and how swift and how devastating it is, from knowing the suffering involved in getting clean, I declined the drugs offer.
This offer for the prescription came after a five minute office visit. I was suffering. I was hoping for some relief, but I was hoping for the relief of finding out what was wrong with me and treating it, not from taking very strong narcotics. I am pretty certain that I would have been trading up on the suffering ladder by making that decision.
I am sure you have a lot of examples in your life. have sometimes caused myself great mental agony by avoiding a confrontation or a decision that once made turned out to be nothing, nothing at all. Yet by avoiding dealing with the issue, I had carried around the backbreaking burden of "what ifs".
I was thinking of this today in larger terms, such as the Israel and Palestine problem .One day there will have to be a solution. Finding a workable solution will take great courage and selflessness on the part of the leaders. It will make daily life much more safe and comfortable for millions of people. It will return integrity to both sides. Postponing the inevitable is taking a tremendous toll on millions of people. Avoiding the suffering or hurt of making compromises and making a sane policy is increasing the suffering that the current failed policy is causing minute by minute and murder by murder. Pulling the thorn out from the bottom of my foot hurts, but not as badly as leaving it in a letting it get infected and making my whole body sick would.
When I extoll myself to "Carpe Diem", I usually am thinking about doing cool things like riding an elephant. I am thinking today that it would be of great practical value to "Carpe Diem" for things that are hard or painful and save further increased suffering in the future. "Take the bull by the horns" and all that.
This, of course, leads to the contemplation of what actually does motivate us. What finally did cause the tipping point in the Irish situation? What will make the Israelis think themselves into the shoes of the Palestinians and stop killing kids on beaches? Why do we often have to wait to hit bottom before we change? I don't know. I do know that as I get older, I notice that dealing with tough shit right now is often easier than waiting for it to get worse.
The thing is that I have an addictive personality. I have had multiple and concurrent addictions most of my life. I smoked, ate chocolate and read murder mysteries at the same time for hours daily while those were my 'problem'. keeping secret stashes hidden in case of emergencies. So, having watched friends suffer from narcotics addictions, from having read the statistics about OXY addiction and how swift and how devastating it is, from knowing the suffering involved in getting clean, I declined the drugs offer.
This offer for the prescription came after a five minute office visit. I was suffering. I was hoping for some relief, but I was hoping for the relief of finding out what was wrong with me and treating it, not from taking very strong narcotics. I am pretty certain that I would have been trading up on the suffering ladder by making that decision.
I am sure you have a lot of examples in your life. have sometimes caused myself great mental agony by avoiding a confrontation or a decision that once made turned out to be nothing, nothing at all. Yet by avoiding dealing with the issue, I had carried around the backbreaking burden of "what ifs".
I was thinking of this today in larger terms, such as the Israel and Palestine problem .One day there will have to be a solution. Finding a workable solution will take great courage and selflessness on the part of the leaders. It will make daily life much more safe and comfortable for millions of people. It will return integrity to both sides. Postponing the inevitable is taking a tremendous toll on millions of people. Avoiding the suffering or hurt of making compromises and making a sane policy is increasing the suffering that the current failed policy is causing minute by minute and murder by murder. Pulling the thorn out from the bottom of my foot hurts, but not as badly as leaving it in a letting it get infected and making my whole body sick would.
When I extoll myself to "Carpe Diem", I usually am thinking about doing cool things like riding an elephant. I am thinking today that it would be of great practical value to "Carpe Diem" for things that are hard or painful and save further increased suffering in the future. "Take the bull by the horns" and all that.
This, of course, leads to the contemplation of what actually does motivate us. What finally did cause the tipping point in the Irish situation? What will make the Israelis think themselves into the shoes of the Palestinians and stop killing kids on beaches? Why do we often have to wait to hit bottom before we change? I don't know. I do know that as I get older, I notice that dealing with tough shit right now is often easier than waiting for it to get worse.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Your terrible childhood.
I recently went to a Buddhist workshop on compassion and I more recently went to a group talking about letting go. In both groups, the older people spoke about the memory that one of the awful things about their childhood was that it was uptight. Their parents never talked about what was going on. They were seriously worried and intimidated about what the neighbors might think. The handicapped were warehoused out of sight. You always put up a good front. Any aberration was swept under the rug. Life was often a lie, and nothing outside of Leave it to Beaver happy family was tolerated. Many of the speakers were resentful about this.
Then, the 35-45 year olds had a very different complaint. Their hippie parents, or their rock band parents, or their damaged by fighting in Vietnam parents, let it all hang out. They allowed drugs and sex and rock and roll to pervade the home. There were no boundaries. They stayed up at night until they fell asleep under the table. They moved all the time. They had to parent the parents. You didn't judge or condemn anything lest you be called uptight.
Everyone seemed to have gotten a raw deal. But, all the people in these groups were working on letting go and having compassion and moving on into wholeness. These are great big steps/lessons that we all have to learn at some point in our lives. No bad can come from being more compassionate of ourselves or others. Often people don't learn to let go until they are dying. It is much brighter do this when you have more time to practice it. These lessons, in my experience, often need to be practiced over and over. You have to be a Bodhisattva to conquer all of life's suffering.
But, several thoughts came to me. One is that we get exactly what we need in this life. This brings us back to Karma. I chose the parents to whom I would incarnate. They presented me with exactly the challenges I needed for this incarnation. My experiences with them brought me to exactly this moment of possibility in this life and I am in this moment in a beautiful, safe place surrounded by compassionate people sharing my story. Pretty cool.
What I came away with was a jumble of thoughts. The first one, and it is very loud, is that most parents were doing their best with what they had and the mega and minor circumstances they were in. Another thought is that with a certain mind set, nothing is ever enough. There is no objective measure of what enough love is or what enough money looks like, or what enough nurturing is. That is in our heads. So, the thing to change is our mind. "I have enough" becomes a most fruitful mantra.
Then, the 35-45 year olds had a very different complaint. Their hippie parents, or their rock band parents, or their damaged by fighting in Vietnam parents, let it all hang out. They allowed drugs and sex and rock and roll to pervade the home. There were no boundaries. They stayed up at night until they fell asleep under the table. They moved all the time. They had to parent the parents. You didn't judge or condemn anything lest you be called uptight.
Everyone seemed to have gotten a raw deal. But, all the people in these groups were working on letting go and having compassion and moving on into wholeness. These are great big steps/lessons that we all have to learn at some point in our lives. No bad can come from being more compassionate of ourselves or others. Often people don't learn to let go until they are dying. It is much brighter do this when you have more time to practice it. These lessons, in my experience, often need to be practiced over and over. You have to be a Bodhisattva to conquer all of life's suffering.
But, several thoughts came to me. One is that we get exactly what we need in this life. This brings us back to Karma. I chose the parents to whom I would incarnate. They presented me with exactly the challenges I needed for this incarnation. My experiences with them brought me to exactly this moment of possibility in this life and I am in this moment in a beautiful, safe place surrounded by compassionate people sharing my story. Pretty cool.
What I came away with was a jumble of thoughts. The first one, and it is very loud, is that most parents were doing their best with what they had and the mega and minor circumstances they were in. Another thought is that with a certain mind set, nothing is ever enough. There is no objective measure of what enough love is or what enough money looks like, or what enough nurturing is. That is in our heads. So, the thing to change is our mind. "I have enough" becomes a most fruitful mantra.
Friday, July 11, 2014
I have to get a plan.
How am I going to decide where I want to live? No joke. I have no idea where I want to live. In part this is because as soon as I land somewhere and develop my little routine...coffee, swim or walk, good book exchange, some spiritual practice and lovely nature, I am at home. And as soon as I am fully at home, I start to think about where I might go next. I have talked about this aspect of my twisted unnatural personality before, but now it is becoming a more pressing problem because I have hit a wall a few times with my re-entry from nomadism.
I have a lot of amnesia and a good measure of avoidance going for me. An example of this is that I am day dreaming about where to go to follow the sun next winter. What I am forgetting is that when I came back to the US last winter, I was sick and needed help and had nothing set up. It is hard to set things up when you are already diminished. But, now that all seems so far in the past that I am thinking that I can wait a few more years before I make a decision.
This, of course, puts an excessive strain on those people who care for me. Firstly, because they care about my well being. Secondly because they would have to come up with solutions or help when and if I can't do it myself. But, doesn't that often happen in one way or another in so many eventualities? What if I get Alzheimer disease? Same problem. What if I break my back? What if the spot on my lung is "C"?
I have recently watched some of the best planners I have ever known come up against the need to depend on others. I am not saying that I will not make a decision. I am not saying that I will not make a plan. What I am saying is that I am really skillful at not doing anything and I won't have a lot of faith in any notion of permanence when I do. I am working diligently on my self made Buddhist program of "Do Nothing, Be Nobody." and this need interferes with it.
One thing I have been enamored with is the idea of building a very small house in some city. That idea gets me excited and then makes me tired. I have an old idea of making something by myself, that is carving the door, hand painting the tiles, welding the metal, going insanely green, but then I realize that that might be an unfulfilled idea from long ago hippie days. I am just not that interested in things to give them so much energy. Part of me could see me growing older in a totally zen scene with one bowl, one spoon, one pillow that kind of scene and at the same time I like the idea of great down comforters, deep soft couches, silky smooth fabrics, great hot baths. I am confused.
My only solution is to put it out to the universe and stay awake to what comes up the clearest. This has worked in the past and I don't see why it should stop working now. I do feel guided. I am leading the life I wish for. That's a good thing.
I have a lot of amnesia and a good measure of avoidance going for me. An example of this is that I am day dreaming about where to go to follow the sun next winter. What I am forgetting is that when I came back to the US last winter, I was sick and needed help and had nothing set up. It is hard to set things up when you are already diminished. But, now that all seems so far in the past that I am thinking that I can wait a few more years before I make a decision.
This, of course, puts an excessive strain on those people who care for me. Firstly, because they care about my well being. Secondly because they would have to come up with solutions or help when and if I can't do it myself. But, doesn't that often happen in one way or another in so many eventualities? What if I get Alzheimer disease? Same problem. What if I break my back? What if the spot on my lung is "C"?
I have recently watched some of the best planners I have ever known come up against the need to depend on others. I am not saying that I will not make a decision. I am not saying that I will not make a plan. What I am saying is that I am really skillful at not doing anything and I won't have a lot of faith in any notion of permanence when I do. I am working diligently on my self made Buddhist program of "Do Nothing, Be Nobody." and this need interferes with it.
One thing I have been enamored with is the idea of building a very small house in some city. That idea gets me excited and then makes me tired. I have an old idea of making something by myself, that is carving the door, hand painting the tiles, welding the metal, going insanely green, but then I realize that that might be an unfulfilled idea from long ago hippie days. I am just not that interested in things to give them so much energy. Part of me could see me growing older in a totally zen scene with one bowl, one spoon, one pillow that kind of scene and at the same time I like the idea of great down comforters, deep soft couches, silky smooth fabrics, great hot baths. I am confused.
My only solution is to put it out to the universe and stay awake to what comes up the clearest. This has worked in the past and I don't see why it should stop working now. I do feel guided. I am leading the life I wish for. That's a good thing.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
We Need to Think About the End Game. What do we want the results of our actions to be?
I think this is a very simple and clear article. I think that if we could apply this kind of thinking to other aspects of our lives, we would make the world a better place. Did we think about the end game when we invaded and occupied Iraq? That country was a secular state and is fast becoming a true Islamic caliphate. It seems like we spent billions of dollars ans caused untold suffering to create our worst nightmare.
In the world of child rearing, is the same thing happening? Almost every parent will say the same thing when asked what they want for their child. "I want him/her to be healthy, happy, well-adjusted, doing something worthwhile in life." Something like that, in any case. This writer points out that we might be sabotaging the kids. I have to think that our intentions are mostly righteous, so let us think about whether our actions will get us what we hope.
5 Reasons Modern-Day Parenting Is in Crisis, According to a British Nanny
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1. A fear of our children.
I have what I think of as "the sippy cup test," wherein I will observe a parent getting her toddler a cup of milk in the morning. If the child says, "I want the pink sippy cup, not the blue!" yet the mum has already poured the milk into the blue sippy cup, I watch carefully to see how the parent reacts. More often than not, the mum's face whitens and she rushes to get the preferred sippy cup before the child has a tantrum. Fail! What are you afraid of, mum? Who is in charge here? Let her have a tantrum, and remove yourself so you don't have to hear it. But for goodness' sake, don't make extra work for yourself just to please her -- and even more importantly, think about the lesson it teaches if you give her what she wants because she's thrown a fit.
2. A lowered bar.
When children misbehave, whether it's by way of public outburst or private surliness, parents are apt to shrug their shoulders as if to say, "That's just the way it is with kids." I assure you, it doesn't have to be. Children are capable of much more than parents typically expect from them, whether it's in the form of proper manners, respect for elders, chores, generosity or self-control. You don't think a child can sit through dinner at a restaurant? Rubbish. You don't think a child can clear the table without being asked? Rubbish again! The only reason they don't behave is because you haven't shown them how and you haven't expected it! It's that simple. Raise the bar and your child shall rise to the occasion.
3. We've lost the village.
It used to be that bus drivers, teachers, shopkeepers and other parents had carte blanche to correct an unruly child. They would act as the mum and dad's eyes and ears when their children were out of sight, and everyone worked towards the same shared interest: raising proper boys and girls. This village was one of support. Now, when someone who is not the child's parent dares to correct him, the mum and dad get upset. They want their child to appear perfect, and so they often don't accept teachers' and others' reports that he is not. They'll storm in and have a go at a teacher rather than discipline their child for acting out in class. They feel the need to project a perfect picture to the world and unfortunately, their insecurity is reinforced because many parents do judge one another. If a child is having a tantrum, all eyes turn on the mum disapprovingly. Instead she should be supported, because chances are the tantrum occurred because she's not giving in to one of her child's demands. Those observers should instead be saying, "Hey, good work -- I know setting limits is hard."
4. A reliance on shortcuts.
I think it's wonderful that parents have all sorts of electronics to help them through airline flights and long waits at the doctor's office. It's equally fabulous that we can order our groceries online for delivery, and heat up healthy-ish food at the touch of a button on the microwave. Parents are busier than ever, and I'm all for taking the easy way when you need it. But shortcuts can be a slippery slope. When you see how wonderful it is that Caillou can entertain your child on a flight, don't be tempted to put it on when you are at a restaurant. Children must still learn patience. They must still learn to entertain themselves. They must still learn that not all food comes out steaming hot and ready in three minutes or less, and ideally they will also learn to help prepare it. Babies must learn to self-soothe instead of sitting in a vibrating chair each time they're fussy. Toddlers need to pick themselves up when they fall down instead of just raising their arms to mum and dad. Show children that shortcuts can be helpful, but that there is great satisfaction in doing things the slow way too.
5. Parents put their children's needs ahead of their own.
Naturally, parents are wired to take care of their children first, and this is a good thing for evolution! I am an advocate of adhering to a schedule that suits your child's needs, and of practices like feeding and clothing your children first. But parents today have taken it too far, completely subsuming their own needs and mental health for the sake of their children. So often I see mums get up from bed again and again to fulfill the whims of their child. Or dads drop everything to run across the zoo to get their daughter a drink because she's thirsty. There is nothing wrong with not going to your child when she wants yet another glass of water at night. There's nothing wrong with that dad at the zoo saying, "Absolutely you can have something to drink, but you must wait until we pass the next drinking fountain." There is nothing wrong with using the word "No" on occasion, nothing wrong with asking your child to entertain herself for a few minutes because mummy would like to use the toilet in private or flick through a magazine for that matter.
I fear that if we don't start to correct these five grave parenting mistakes, and soon, the children we are raising will grow up to be entitled, selfish, impatient and rude adults. It won't be their fault -- it will be ours. We never taught them any differently, we never expected any more of them. We never wanted them to feel any discomfort, and so when they inevitably do, they are woefully unprepared for it. So please, parents and caregivers from London to Los Angeles, and all over the world, ask more. Expect more. Share your struggles. Give less. And let's straighten these children out, together, and prepare them for what they need to be successful in the real world and not the sheltered one we've made for them.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Life is Suffering, Buddhism 101
I am living in sunny Marin County, CA. I live across the street from a wonderful park. The kid's playground is closest to our place. I love waking up to the sounds of the birds talking and singing. I love the sounds of the children in the playground.
I have noticed, however, that along with the joyful shrieks and laughter there is almost an equal amount of crying. It is not disturbing, the crying. It stops as soon as the mom or dad or babysitter comes and gives a bit of comfort or a distraction. But it is interesting. Even as kids, we get blow back from seeking fun. If we eat too many cookies, we get a stomach ache. If we climb too high, we can have a fall. Years ago, when we lived in Forest Row, Sussex, England, I was shocked at the public playgrounds. The ground was cement. The play structures were heavy metal battering rams. The swings were easily maneuvered to go over the top.
I took it to be a sign that the British believed in toughening up the kids, the stiff upper lip and all that. Forty years later, the playgrounds here in Cali have soft stuff covering the ground, all the safety features that any town can think of and the kids still manage to take good tumbles and get bonked with great regularity. I really have no opinion whether one way is better than the other, except the memory of guiding my 2 year old daughter away from the equipment that looked actually deadly. When we were kids, we had no playground and lived in the woods and we still managed to get broken arms and lots of cuts and bruises. I still have a few tiny pebbles in my knee from taking a great tumble off my bike. Cleaning the cut was much more painful than getting it so I told my mother that I got all the gravel out. Oh well.
I think that it is our job as parents and teachers and care takers to protect the children as much as we can. This is logical and human. Who wouldn't? But, when we can't, what is that? When we can't as adults avoid pain, when our quest for pleasure bites us in the ass, what is happening?
Oh ya, there is that karma thing. And the thought that suffering is our great opportunity to grow. It is our path to enlightenment. It is not about keeping a still upper lip. It is not about ignoring or deluding ourselves about what is going on. How many times have you heard about a person becoming transfigured in the last stages of cancer? "She taught all of us so much." I've heard it a lot. Don't get me wrong. I am not a fan of pain and misery, but rather, I am trying to sort things out.
Yesterday I went to a retreat at a Vipassana center, Spirit Rock. The subject of the day was Compassion. The teachings were brilliant, as always. And of the over 50 people who spent the day together, from many countries, many economic levels, many ages, we all had the same intention. We wanted to be more powerfully, actively compassionate.
One thing we quickly learned was that practicing in little ways prepares us for the big moments. We also 'got' it that if we are not compassionate towards ourselves, we had little chance of being that way toward others. One of the little exercises we did was partner up and for five minutes our partner asked us over and over "What do you really admire about yourself?" Damn, it was hard. I bet not one person said "My beauty." We are hardwired to being critical. This seemed to be the same for very high achieving people who spent their lives being told they were great, (they don't really think they measure up.) as well as for people who had been beaten down by other people telling them that they were losers. Amazing, really.
There was too much going on to recap all the aha! moments. But on this subject of suffering and pain, the mindfulness teachings are amazing. When we examine what it is that blocks our natural instincts for compassion for ourselves and others, the answers are right there in us. Ask yourself this question and sit with it for a moment. I am going to do so.
The Four Noble Truths (Sanskrit: catvāri āryasatyāni; Pali: cattāri ariyasaccāni) are regarded as the central doctrine of the Buddhist tradition, and are said to provide a conceptual framework for all of Buddhist thought. These four truths explain the nature of dukkha (Pali; commonly translated as "suffering", "anxiety", "unsatisfactoriness"[a]), its causes, its cessation, and the path leading to its cessation.
The four noble truths are:[b]
The second noble truth is that the origin of dukkha can be known. Within the context of the four noble truths, the origin of dukkha is commonly explained as craving or thirst (Pali: tanha) conditioned by ignorance (Pali: avijja). On a deeper level, the root cause of dukkha is identified as ignorance (avijja) of the true nature of things. The third noble truth is that the complete cessation of dukkha is possible, and the fourth noble truth identifies a path to this cessation.
According to the Buddhist tradition, the Buddha first taught the four noble truths in the very first teaching he gave after he attained enlightenment, as recorded in The Discourse That Sets Turning the Wheel of Truth (Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta), and he further clarified their meaning in many subsequent teachings.[e]
I have noticed, however, that along with the joyful shrieks and laughter there is almost an equal amount of crying. It is not disturbing, the crying. It stops as soon as the mom or dad or babysitter comes and gives a bit of comfort or a distraction. But it is interesting. Even as kids, we get blow back from seeking fun. If we eat too many cookies, we get a stomach ache. If we climb too high, we can have a fall. Years ago, when we lived in Forest Row, Sussex, England, I was shocked at the public playgrounds. The ground was cement. The play structures were heavy metal battering rams. The swings were easily maneuvered to go over the top.
I took it to be a sign that the British believed in toughening up the kids, the stiff upper lip and all that. Forty years later, the playgrounds here in Cali have soft stuff covering the ground, all the safety features that any town can think of and the kids still manage to take good tumbles and get bonked with great regularity. I really have no opinion whether one way is better than the other, except the memory of guiding my 2 year old daughter away from the equipment that looked actually deadly. When we were kids, we had no playground and lived in the woods and we still managed to get broken arms and lots of cuts and bruises. I still have a few tiny pebbles in my knee from taking a great tumble off my bike. Cleaning the cut was much more painful than getting it so I told my mother that I got all the gravel out. Oh well.
I think that it is our job as parents and teachers and care takers to protect the children as much as we can. This is logical and human. Who wouldn't? But, when we can't, what is that? When we can't as adults avoid pain, when our quest for pleasure bites us in the ass, what is happening?
Oh ya, there is that karma thing. And the thought that suffering is our great opportunity to grow. It is our path to enlightenment. It is not about keeping a still upper lip. It is not about ignoring or deluding ourselves about what is going on. How many times have you heard about a person becoming transfigured in the last stages of cancer? "She taught all of us so much." I've heard it a lot. Don't get me wrong. I am not a fan of pain and misery, but rather, I am trying to sort things out.
Yesterday I went to a retreat at a Vipassana center, Spirit Rock. The subject of the day was Compassion. The teachings were brilliant, as always. And of the over 50 people who spent the day together, from many countries, many economic levels, many ages, we all had the same intention. We wanted to be more powerfully, actively compassionate.
One thing we quickly learned was that practicing in little ways prepares us for the big moments. We also 'got' it that if we are not compassionate towards ourselves, we had little chance of being that way toward others. One of the little exercises we did was partner up and for five minutes our partner asked us over and over "What do you really admire about yourself?" Damn, it was hard. I bet not one person said "My beauty." We are hardwired to being critical. This seemed to be the same for very high achieving people who spent their lives being told they were great, (they don't really think they measure up.) as well as for people who had been beaten down by other people telling them that they were losers. Amazing, really.
There was too much going on to recap all the aha! moments. But on this subject of suffering and pain, the mindfulness teachings are amazing. When we examine what it is that blocks our natural instincts for compassion for ourselves and others, the answers are right there in us. Ask yourself this question and sit with it for a moment. I am going to do so.
The Four Noble Truths (Sanskrit: catvāri āryasatyāni; Pali: cattāri ariyasaccāni) are regarded as the central doctrine of the Buddhist tradition, and are said to provide a conceptual framework for all of Buddhist thought. These four truths explain the nature of dukkha (Pali; commonly translated as "suffering", "anxiety", "unsatisfactoriness"[a]), its causes, its cessation, and the path leading to its cessation.
The four noble truths are:[b]
- The truth of dukkha (suffering, anxiety, unsatisfactoriness[a])
- The truth of the origin of dukkha
- The truth of the cessation of dukkha
- The truth of the path leading to the cessation of dukkha
- The obvious physical and mental suffering associated with birth, growing old, illness and dying.
- The anxiety or stress of trying to hold on to things that are constantly changing.
- A basic unsatisfactoriness pervading all forms of existence, due to the fact that all forms of life are changing, impermanent and without any inner core or substance. On this level, the term indicates a lack of satisfaction, a sense that things never measure up to our expectations or standards.
The second noble truth is that the origin of dukkha can be known. Within the context of the four noble truths, the origin of dukkha is commonly explained as craving or thirst (Pali: tanha) conditioned by ignorance (Pali: avijja). On a deeper level, the root cause of dukkha is identified as ignorance (avijja) of the true nature of things. The third noble truth is that the complete cessation of dukkha is possible, and the fourth noble truth identifies a path to this cessation.
According to the Buddhist tradition, the Buddha first taught the four noble truths in the very first teaching he gave after he attained enlightenment, as recorded in The Discourse That Sets Turning the Wheel of Truth (Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta), and he further clarified their meaning in many subsequent teachings.[e]
Friday, July 4, 2014
We Tell Childen to "Use Your Words" but We Seem to Think Guns Are Better
OK, so Target decided to ask its customers not to carry loaded guns into its stores. Ostensibly, the reason was not because 400,00 people signed a petition in a very short time. It was because one of the idiot activists left behind (forgot?) a loaded gun in the toy section resting on a toy box on the floor.
Can any sane person not shudder and almost lose her lunch at the thought of what could have happened in that store? I can't even go there. Guns are made to kill. What other purpose could they possibly have? I have come to think that only fearful, cowardly people rely on guns. Have you seen the artillery some men take into the woods to hunt (and kill dear?) Have you heard to boasting some men do about their ability to hit targets? or have bigger, better guns stashed in cabinets around their houses?
The first time I came from Boston to Oregon in 1964 was the first time I saw a real gun in my life. The style then was for intrepid hunters to drive around in pick up trucks with gun racks in the back. I thought it was pretty strange. Were they going to shoot deer in the grocery parking lot? Looking back, that was a cake walk compared to what you can see today in the USA. Ugly, stupid, cowardly, hateful stuff in the name of a Christian religion. This is fucked up.
I no longer blame TV or Jesus or the Second Amendment for this epidemic. I blame cowardly impotent ignorant men who are taken in by the glamor of being the tough guy while hiding behind locked doors and camouflage outfits. These are not conciliatory words. These are the words of a good Jew obeying the Ten Commandments, a good Christian heading Christ's words the turn the other cheek and do unto others. These are the words of a woman born in WW11 where 18,000,000 or some such number of people died. These are the words of a woman who is asked in every country she visits what is wrong in the USA that we murder each other all the time. No one anywhere can figure out how we have gotten so perverted and violent.
We have merged Stone Age mentality with 21st Century technology and become the murderers that we fear. Even the NRA distanced itself from the Target gun activists. You tell enough powerless people that they can take control and you get some deranged person leaving a loaded gun in the toy department.Guns are made to kill. People who have guns have them so they are ready to kill when they decide to. Our Presidents now have very public "kill lists". People cheer when we murder Bin Laden. Things have gone wrong here. This is not freedom and human rights. This is anarchy and today's version of the Wild West and Manifest Destiny. I am very confused by this all. Toy departments should be magical imaginative places where children can dream.
We need people of courage. We need Gandhi and the Salt Protest. We need Mother Theresa collecting children from the hospital in Beirut. We need courage.
Can any sane person not shudder and almost lose her lunch at the thought of what could have happened in that store? I can't even go there. Guns are made to kill. What other purpose could they possibly have? I have come to think that only fearful, cowardly people rely on guns. Have you seen the artillery some men take into the woods to hunt (and kill dear?) Have you heard to boasting some men do about their ability to hit targets? or have bigger, better guns stashed in cabinets around their houses?
The first time I came from Boston to Oregon in 1964 was the first time I saw a real gun in my life. The style then was for intrepid hunters to drive around in pick up trucks with gun racks in the back. I thought it was pretty strange. Were they going to shoot deer in the grocery parking lot? Looking back, that was a cake walk compared to what you can see today in the USA. Ugly, stupid, cowardly, hateful stuff in the name of a Christian religion. This is fucked up.
I no longer blame TV or Jesus or the Second Amendment for this epidemic. I blame cowardly impotent ignorant men who are taken in by the glamor of being the tough guy while hiding behind locked doors and camouflage outfits. These are not conciliatory words. These are the words of a good Jew obeying the Ten Commandments, a good Christian heading Christ's words the turn the other cheek and do unto others. These are the words of a woman born in WW11 where 18,000,000 or some such number of people died. These are the words of a woman who is asked in every country she visits what is wrong in the USA that we murder each other all the time. No one anywhere can figure out how we have gotten so perverted and violent.
We have merged Stone Age mentality with 21st Century technology and become the murderers that we fear. Even the NRA distanced itself from the Target gun activists. You tell enough powerless people that they can take control and you get some deranged person leaving a loaded gun in the toy department.Guns are made to kill. People who have guns have them so they are ready to kill when they decide to. Our Presidents now have very public "kill lists". People cheer when we murder Bin Laden. Things have gone wrong here. This is not freedom and human rights. This is anarchy and today's version of the Wild West and Manifest Destiny. I am very confused by this all. Toy departments should be magical imaginative places where children can dream.
We need people of courage. We need Gandhi and the Salt Protest. We need Mother Theresa collecting children from the hospital in Beirut. We need courage.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Why I Am Not Perfect - Because I Am Human.
I don't mean to shatter your illusions about me. By the same token, the reason I am perfect is the same - because I am human. One of those Zen things. I have had so much in this life. I am beautiful, smart, well fed, and loved. I have had every chance imaginable to perfect myself. I have had education, great teachers, amazing gurus, lessons in everything I have wanted. (except flying but that is my fault) This week alone I have worshiped with the lovely Father Lawrence in Larkspur, CA, USA. I have meditated with and heard wisdom from Jack Kornfield at Spirit Rock. I have l have heard a podcast of Lama Marut. I have been in a beautiful support group. This is just the tip of the ice burg. All my life I have been blessed with magic encounters and opportunities.
I have met the Dalai Lama, heard live Desmond Tutu, Nelson Mandela, and many great saints of my lifetime. I have studied Anthroposophy under some wonderful teachers, John Gardner, Francis Edmunds, Richard Walton. I have had time to meditate. I have had time to go to Mass and retreats and visit Monte Alban, Chartres Cathedral, the Camino, Jerusalem, the Vatican, Palenque, Copan, Tikal, Angkor Wat, Wats to numerous to name in Thailand and I am not anywhere approaching levitated yet. I am an ordinary bumbling fallible mortal warts and all.
I still have a temper. I still can really lack compassion. I still get so frazzled that I panic. I think these fabulous opportunities that I have been given were the Good Gods recognizing that I was, in spite of all signs to the contrary, a little behind and in need of more help than most. Yup. I got the 'special' treatment because I have 'special' needs.
But then in Buddhism and in 12 Step literature and in the Catholic tradition we are taught to make love to our faults and challenges and short comings and weaknesses. They are our greatest teachers. If you never meet a horrible shitty person who shakes you to the core, then you never had a chance to test your mettle or develop compassion. If you never loose your shit, if you never sin, if you are perfect and tranquil and radiantly happy, then why are you here in this incarnation at all? So, my challenge is to accept myself and my opportunities to improve my happiness and that of others. One day I do this, the next day I try. The next I cry "wee wee wee all the way home."
I am trying to be a little less self-critical when I am just human, but also I am trying not to make excuses for things I can change and don't. Alice, my daughter, reminded me that after all my big talk in a blog over a year ago about ringing out the sponge after I do dishes, about letting go of my lazy habits, I am worse than ever in that department. I am grateful that she has a good memory and can nail me when I am full of it.
I have met the Dalai Lama, heard live Desmond Tutu, Nelson Mandela, and many great saints of my lifetime. I have studied Anthroposophy under some wonderful teachers, John Gardner, Francis Edmunds, Richard Walton. I have had time to meditate. I have had time to go to Mass and retreats and visit Monte Alban, Chartres Cathedral, the Camino, Jerusalem, the Vatican, Palenque, Copan, Tikal, Angkor Wat, Wats to numerous to name in Thailand and I am not anywhere approaching levitated yet. I am an ordinary bumbling fallible mortal warts and all.
I still have a temper. I still can really lack compassion. I still get so frazzled that I panic. I think these fabulous opportunities that I have been given were the Good Gods recognizing that I was, in spite of all signs to the contrary, a little behind and in need of more help than most. Yup. I got the 'special' treatment because I have 'special' needs.
But then in Buddhism and in 12 Step literature and in the Catholic tradition we are taught to make love to our faults and challenges and short comings and weaknesses. They are our greatest teachers. If you never meet a horrible shitty person who shakes you to the core, then you never had a chance to test your mettle or develop compassion. If you never loose your shit, if you never sin, if you are perfect and tranquil and radiantly happy, then why are you here in this incarnation at all? So, my challenge is to accept myself and my opportunities to improve my happiness and that of others. One day I do this, the next day I try. The next I cry "wee wee wee all the way home."
I am trying to be a little less self-critical when I am just human, but also I am trying not to make excuses for things I can change and don't. Alice, my daughter, reminded me that after all my big talk in a blog over a year ago about ringing out the sponge after I do dishes, about letting go of my lazy habits, I am worse than ever in that department. I am grateful that she has a good memory and can nail me when I am full of it.
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