What Having Mercernary Companies Replace the Military Means to Me

I don't have any notion whether the Iran-Contra scandal is taught in schools today. I don't know how it possibly can be because of the hero worship I hear for that dear President Reagan and seeing Oliver North almost get elected to Governor of Virginia. OK, Here is the Wikipedia run down on one brief part of North's career. More upsetting probably are his actions in Vietnam, Libya, Granada. He holds a hell of a lot of responsibility for a lot of death, unhappiness, pain, and so on...in our name. We, the people of the USA who think we have a democratic government and a righteous army. During North's mad end run around the Congress and the Constitution and the will of the public - which had no desire to finish off the Nicaraguans and subvert their first election, came the bump in Mercenary companies from a little part of our defense strategy to a HUGE big deal.

Iran–Contra affair

Main article: Iran–Contra Affair

North's mugshot, taken on the day of his arrest

North came into the public spotlight as a result of his participation in the Iran–Contra affair, a political scandal of the late 1980s, in which he claimed partial responsibility for the sale of weapons via intermediaries to Iran, with the profits being channeled to the Contras in Nicaragua. He was reportedly responsible for the establishment of a covert network, which aided the Contras. The Boland Amendment (to the House Appropriations Bill of 1982 and subsequent years) prohibited the appropriation of U.S. funds by intelligence agencies for this purpose at that time, thus the search for alternative funding sources. Funding was facilitated by funneling money from his shell organization, the "National Endowment for the Preservation of Liberty," through Palmer National Bank of Washington, D.C. to the Contras.
According to the National Security Archive, in an August 23, 1986 e-mail to National Security Advisor John Poindexter, Oliver North described a meeting with a representative of Panamanian Dictator Manuel Noriega: "You will recall that over the years Manuel Noriega in Panama and I have developed a fairly good relationship," North writes before explaining Noriega's proposal. If U.S. officials can "help clean up his image" and lift the ban on arms sales to the Panamanian Defense Force, Noriega will "'take care of' the Sandinista leadership for us."^[9][10]
North told Poindexter that Noriega could assist with sabotage against the Sandinistas and supposedly suggested that Noriega be paid one million dollars in cash, from "Project Democracy" funds raised from the sale of U.S. arms to Iran—for the Panamanian leader's help in destroying Nicaraguan economic installations.^[11]
In November 1986, as the sale of weapons was made public, North was dismissed by President Ronald Reagan, and, in July 1987, he was summoned to testify before televised hearings of a joint Congressional committee that was formed to investigate Iran–Contra. The image of North taking the oath became iconic, and similar photographs made the cover of Time and Newsweek, and helped to define him in the eyes of the public.^{[citation needed]} During the hearings, North admitted that he had lied to Congress, for which, among other things, he was later charged. He defended his actions by stating that he believed in the goal of aiding the Contras, whom he saw as freedom fighters, and said that he viewed the Iran–Contra scheme as a "neat idea".^[12] North admitted shredding government documents related to his Contra and Iranian activities, at William Casey's suggestion, when the Iran–Contra scandal became public. He testified that Robert McFarlane had asked him to alter official records to delete references to direct assistance to the Contras and that he had helped.^[13]
North was tried in 1988 in relation to his activities while at the National Security Council. He was indicted on sixteen felony counts, and, on May 4, 1989, he was initially convicted of three: accepting an illegal gratuity; aiding and abetting in the obstruction of a congressional inquiry; and ordering the destruction of documents via his secretary, Fawn Hall. He was sentenced, by U.S. District Judge Gerhard A. Gesell on July 5, 1989, to a three-year suspended prison term, two years' probation, $150,000 in fines, and 1,200 hours community service.
However, on July 20, 1990, with the help of the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU),^[14] North's convictions were vacated, after the appeals court found that witnesses in his trial might have been impermissibly affected by his immunized congressional testimony.^[15]
Because North had been granted limited immunity for his Congressional testimony, the law prohibited the independent counsel (or any prosecutor) from using that testimony as part of a criminal case against him. To prepare for the expected defense challenge that North's testimony had been used, the prosecution team had—before North's congressional testimony had been given—listed and isolated all of its evidence.^{[citation needed]} Further, the individual members of the prosecution team had isolated themselves from news reports and discussion of North's testimony. While the defense could show no specific instance in which North's congressional testimony was used in his trial, the Court of Appeals ruled that the trial judge had made an insufficient examination of the issue. Consequently, North's convictions were reversed. The Supreme Court declined to review the case. After further hearings on the immunity issue, Judge Gesell dismissed all charges against North on September 16, 1991, on the motion of the independent counsel. Allegations were made, most notably by the Kerry Subcomitee, that North and other senior officials created a privatized Contra network that attracted drug traffickers looking for cover for their operations, then turned a blind eye to repeated reports of drug smuggling related to the Contras, and actively worked with known drug smugglers such as Panamanian dictator Manuel Noriega to assist the Contras.^[16] Most Contra associates found guilty of trafficking by the Kerry Committee were involved in the supply chain (ostensibly for "humanitarian goods," though the supply chain was later found to have serviced the transport of arms), which had been set up by North. Organizations and individuals involved in the supply chain under investigation for trafficking included the company SETCO (operated by large-scale trafficker Juan Matta-Ballesteros), the fruit company Frigorificos de Puntarenas, rancher John Hull, and several Cuban Exiles; North and other US government officials were criticized by the Kerry Report for their practice of "ticket punching" for these parties, whereby people under active investigation for drug trafficking were given cover and pay by joining in the Contra supply chain. In addition to the Kerry Committee's investigation, the Costa Rican government of Nobel-Prize winner Óscar Arias conducted an investigation of Contra-related drug trafficking, and as a result of this investigation, North and several other US Government officials were permanently banned from entering Costa Rica. North has consistently denied any involvement with drug trafficking, stating on Fox's Hannity and Colmes, "...nobody in the government of the United States, going all the way back to the earliest days of this under Jimmy Carter, ever had anything to do with running drugs to support the Nicaraguan resistance."

One motivation behind this is that they are under no control from our government. They are free to kill and overthrow and play God for whomever pays them..now in thousands of locations. That's right folks, thousands. (look it up) and not only do we pay for them, but we also get to pay for the enormous profits of the Halliburtons any Dyncorps or whatever they are changing their name to . What is Blackwater called today?

Being a Pacifist, I already had enough trouble with the actions of  National Armies but these GI Joes turned Rambo who whore around the planet fighting for Chevron in Nigeria, arming whatever tin pot dictator decides to be our ally for the day, and calling it Fighting for Democracy really shocks me. I assume if we are doing it, other countries are also. It makes for a confusing world to me.

If you can't be shocked with me, look at some of the websites, publications, recruitment sites, armament magazines of these mercenaries. And look at some of the profits of any of the companies mentioned in those magazines. I am shocked and appalled. I see that President Reagan set the precedents for how to avoid any Congressional oversight, how to thwart the will of the public. The famous Founding Fathers made it very difficult for this country to go to war for any reason. We don't even know when we are at war anymore. I certainly can't even name all the countries we are drone striking in this very day.

This is frightening.

Reality Shows

As we are dumbing down as a country, as more and more vapid programming is on the menu. Some of the Housewives shows and Jersey Shore and the cooking reality shows repeat the entire previous segment after nearly every ad. Is this a filler so they only have to use 10 minutes of programming to fill an hour? Or is it that as with Cliff Notes, we have to be told what the dramatic moment is? A viewer certainly can't leave without knowing the three dramatic moments that lead up to the hair pulling, shoving, screaming, crying. When the rest of the world sees our military and contractors buying preteen sex slaves, eating crap food, drinking and drugging with impunity and then watches our TV offerings, are they getting the real picture of the USA today? I guess so. Our military and contractors and weapons and TV and movies are pretty much the front line of our exports.

If you lived in a religious family anywhere including the USA would you want your child exposed to this kind of culture? How does a Christian or a Muslim or a good Jewish family reconcile their faith with the slutty, fake, pugnacious junk we watch on TV? There used to be a hope of standards. I guess cable stations were the end of that. I watch cable TV, don't get me wrong. But, I rather like the idea of a script, a plot, some smattering of intelligence and updraft. I know. I don't have to watch the crap that is offered up. But I did last week. And I was shocked and appalled. I can't think we can be a world leader if we ourselves have no standards, if we export and import drugs, guns, failed military training, (School of the Americas) and ugliness, prejudice and hatred.

And we still buy the idea that everyone wants to come here for opportunity. If you look at the current picture, most of the people who want to come here have been driven to it by our actions destabilizing and invading their countries. It is the same immigration problem all over the countries especially in Europe where former colonies which have been depleted, subverted, ruined environmentally and then God help us, those Indians want to come to England. Almost every refugee I have ever met wants nothing more than to go home. It is just hard when home is mined, or ruined by scorched earth policies or they  happened to make the mistake of working with the invaders. Most I have met didn't come here because they wanted the Hollywood life of LA Housewives. (Except of course the really rich families of the drug people who are already here)

I find all this very sad.

Reality Shows, OMG!

I want to talk about FEAR and how carrying fear impairs all our functions. I expect that anyone reading this know this. After I lived in El Salvador, I was afraid of being hungry. I was Scarlet O'Hara from Gone With the Wind. "I will never go hungry again." And I was a privileged Norte Americana. I got to leave El Salvador and Guatemala and go back to Marblehead MA, USA where the day I arrived, I was invited to eat lobster on a beautiful yacht.

I also had a hedge in Salvador, one of many, in that I had a jar of Spiralina that my friends Steven and Eunice had given me. So, when there was no food in the village, I could boil some water and have a vitamin filled drink. No one else could. When we were trying to get to a town to communicate about an assassination (I was with a nun who gave her life to this village) and we were riding in the back of a French donated pick up truck riddled with bullet holes, the truck stopped when we saw a cow in the field (donated by Heifer International) and the 30 or so men crammed into the back of the truck and hanging off the sides, each went to the field and took one blast of milk from the cow's udder.

The mood in the truck changed and everyone was happy for a moment. My reaction when I got home was to eat a lot. I gained a lot of weight. I couldn't control the notion that eating a lot would stave off hunger. Not true, but hard to fight initially. I can understand on so many levels how the have-nots come to want to hoard for the future. It can be an unexamined pathology. It was with me. I hated being hungry. In Chiapas, Mexico, in the Highlands of Guatemala, in El Salvador, I experienced hunger. Millions of people experience it every day without the lobster dinners to come home to.

The reality show "Hoarders" shows the pathology full blown and horrific. It shows depression, fear, and ultimately the possibility of death from things. Often food is hoarded. The opposite shows are the shows of sick, often ugly, consumption. "The Housewives of Miami", "The Housewives of New Jersey" and so on.  The obscene dedication to selfish desires, more face lifts, more Botox, more house remodels, more arguments, more men, more, more, more... Millions of people watch voyeuristically as inhuman dramas play out. Is this a sign the Rome is Burning while we are, like Nero, playing the fiddle?

Mas manana. I think this is important. I need to sort some things out and this is helping me.

My Asshole Theory

It has long been one of my pet theories that people who are assholes spend their lives proving that they are assholes. Think about all the true assholes you have known and test out my theory. They might fake you out once in a while. You might think they have recovered or improved or had a transformative  epiphany, but sooner or later, WHAM, back to offering proof of their true colors. I am certain of this, having watched my theory  prove true again and again.

Have you ever met a mean person who, once showing her colors, doesn't get mean acting now and  then? A selfish person who doesn't speak or act selfishly? An idiot who doesn't seem to stop acting idiotically? I just don't know. Really mean people can be charming, charming, delightful...then mean. Don't they get it?

I mean if I am working so hard to overcome my sponge problem, why can't others work on similarly difficult traits? I am skating on thin ice here. I, ahem, used to have an acid tongue. I could cut nearly anyone to the quick. I made one of my life changing Buddhist vows to myself that I wouldn't use that weapon against easy prey. It is damaging and demeaning. Right now I am wrestling with wanting to use my evil powers. I am dying to talk about a specific mean person. I won't. I won't!

I am also fighting the temptation to get into the nature vs. nurture discussion again. I mean where does assholery commence? Where did my  sponge problem come from? I have no memory whatsoever of my parents being sponge challenged. It could be in my DNA, I suppose. Or it could come from a lost memory of a sponge trauma. It could be because I am a Taurus. I mean, I am a hard
worker, but aren't all Taurus people a bit lazy. So was it an accident of the timing of my birth? Or did I choose to be born a Taurus so I could confront in this lifetime, once and for all, my sponge problem. I am, as usual, pretty confused. Any ideas?

I AM SPONGE CHALLENGED

I can not deny it any longer, I am sponge challenged. The proof of this has been presented to me for years. Now I see the light. My patient teachers have run out of patience with my denials. My closest critics, my three children have had to get together and make a united front to make the case that would finally get to me. For years, various close friends have tried to tell me about my handicap, to no avail.

I never remember to ring out the sponge when I do dishes or cleaning. I never take it out of the sink. I leave it full of pieces of food. And, take notice dear Greeley, I use the dish sponge on the floor. I clean the stove grime with the same sponge with which I wash glasses. I ruin every sponge I come in contact with. I sneak new sponges to cover up the fact that I have ruined the current one.

Everyone I have lived with, many of you, and everyone I have visited can remember an instance of this. I am guilty as charged. I am mending my ways because of the persistence of my daughters in illustrating my slovenly ways. I have compassion for the people I have offended and compassion for myself. It is hard to teach an old dog new tricks. I will change, starting NOW.

Progress reports to follow.

Is a Soldier any Different from a Mercenary or a Drug Cartel's Thugs?

Basically I can't see the difference. Anyone going all over the world to protect a company's interests, or a person's interests, or a nation's interest is basically fighting for the position of top gun in the drug war. Of course, our drug could be oil, or gold, or cheap labor, or free land. I can understand having a National Guard and a Coast Guard to protect from invasion of another drug lord/country. This seems reasonable. But the United States alone has more people, under all sorts of titles, killing, destabilizing, interfering, selling arms and drugs in more countries than most of us could ever name.

I don't see the distinction between this and the fighting drug lords in Mexico or Colombia. In fact, I am willing to bet that many of the very same people are involved. When I was in Guatemala during the troubles, the USA supposedly had only military advisers there. (Who needs them after the goons had been trained at The School of the Americas?) On a daily basis we saw Navy Seals,Black Berets, contractors, Us helicopters spraying defoliant, Us equipment, all sorts of shit. 240,000 Guatemalans dead at the sort of end of our helping.The UN Human Right's Commission reporting on all manner of atrocities, all taught by us, supported by us, denied by us. I can't see any difference from the way the other, non national, drug armies work.

In El Salvador, the very rich, very tough, very well armed US mercenaries would brag in the bars at night about their actions, both there and in all the other countries they had 'worked'. Think of any country that has had a lot of trouble, a lot of violence, a lot of shit coming down on all the women and children and you can name the countries they named. In who's name are we doing this? By what righteous thought can we justify our military, CIA, NSA, Blackwater, actions? Oh yes, spreading Democracy. Getting rid of tyrants we have created. Or fighting for our drugs? Oil, gold, rare minerals? More markets for arms? We sell 87% of all the arms on the planet. We supply and train the very same people we fight against later on. Weird shit. Pablo Escobar had nothing on the US CIA.

I expect that the karma of all this will be brutal. It kind of already is. Our gun violence in our own country is a sample of our future.

Gored by a Bull

An old friend, Lincoln Geiger was gored by a bull today. When I last had news, he was in surgery and holding his own. Lincoln is a biodynamic farmer who has a beautiful herd of cows. As we think of him, a member of his CSA sent a grace Lincoln wrote.  I think this 'grace' is filled with grace. Just wanted to share this with you all.

Thank you earth so soft and strong

Thank you meadow filled with
song

Thank you Mountain, forest and
stream
By you we rest and find our
dream

Thank you creatures wild and
tame
Your trust we love and hope to
gain
Thank you for your milk and
fleece
And for your meat that we may
eat

Thank you root and leaf and
seed
You hold the earth
You catch the rain
you fill the world with air again

Thank you wind for bringing
rain
Please help friends who are in
pain
For us who thirst and cry from
hunger
Please bring hope, life and
wonder

Thank you moon for guidance
and grace
For heart bent flowers
With dew drop lace

Thank you sun as day begins
For golden light
On angel wings

With thankful hearts
And open hands
We ask to share your loving
lands

WHY ME? KIND OF A STRANGE QUESTION>>>

Why me? Many people let loose with this question when things are not going well. We can come up with all kinds of pats on the back and wonderful reasons when things are going well; "I worked hard.", "I had a lot of advantages.", I am a good person.",  you name it. But when things aren't as we wish them to be, events can't be explained.

"Why can't I get pregnant?" "Why can't I eat peanuts?" "Why can't I smoke or drink casually like my friends?" "Why can't I eat all I want and stay thin?" Most of the answers really don't add up. If we think of life as a one shot deal and death as an absolute end, then there can be no answer that works in all situations. We can rely on fads to explain things, like you got the Black Death in the Middle Ages when someone gave you the evil eye.  You can rely on science as in Cold Mother Syndrome causes Autism in children as was conventional wisdom among shrinks in the fifties and sixties. You can blame God, or bad luck or bad genes, but to my way of thinking, even those reasons had to have a cause.

It is only when we see that everything has a cause and everything has an effect that we can once and for all take responsibility for what is going on in our lives and start the antidotes. Yes folks, I am back to KARMA again. If anyone can share with us any other system of belief that holds true in all situations and gives a chance of redemption, I would very much like to hear it. I love the notion that I have control of my life, right now, right here, at all times. Examining what we have created and can change is very different from naval gazing. It is highly practical stuff. It also seems to create the mood for compassion. If we are all suffering schmucks bumbling along trying to be happy, then those who are acting the most fucked up are really suffering greatly.

I am not a patient person. I talk about this subject because I am trying very hard to be more compassionate and understanding. This takes patience even with myself. Hasta la Victoria Siempre!

I didn't watch the news today because I was playing on Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco, USA, but I am deeply disturbed by that ugly movie that has inflamed the Middle East. What kind of Anti-Christ would want to start the Crusades all over again? Who are the people who want war so intently? There has to be a conspiracy here, it is too bizarre to contemplate. I am so deeply saddened that this is the show that we are putting on in 21012. Lama Marut says that the way to get rid of an irritating person (all the way up to an enemy) is to have compassion for their unhappiness. The people making this film and starting (from all sides) all this hurt and anger must really be suffering unhappy souls. I must fill my heart with compassion or else it is in danger of filling with anger.

The Joys of Needing Help

This is the fun part to remember. The so called bad luck was that I broke my hip. The good part was I didn't need surgery. The bad part was that I missed the Camino. Two years later, the good part was I walked the Camino and my boots were a lot more broken in. The bad part was that I was living on the sail boat and couldn't walk on the dock or get in and out of the boat. The good part was just beginning.

My friends from Oregon came down and carted me home from California in the back of an SUV. This was one day after I had gone to my daughters house. Staying there was untenable because I couldn't go up stairs to take a shower and the baby kept wanting to sit on my lap, a highly impossible idea with a broke hip. The friends had figured everything out for me - where I would stay, who would feed me, who would bathe me, renting hospital equipment, who would sit with me. Then my friend Louis, the great acupuncture doc told me to take the Chinese herb combo The Great Mender. I could feel the pulsing strength increasing deep in my bones. Veege came by and put comfrey compresses on me. Visitors came so much I could hardly read a book, no time. Friends came and took me on outings, airing me out. Time flew by.

I have mentioned this previously, but when you can't even get to the bathroom by yourself, and you are the luckiest person in the world to have friends and family who will drop their important lives and take care of you and you are lucky enough to have a curable problem, life couldn't be better. I gathered strength in many ways at that time. I absorbed love. I healed and was healed.

Being Helpless... Being OK About It

Karen came over in the morning and fed me and gave me coffee. I was still shaky, still not quite in my body, actually. I have little memory of the day except for many phone calls with every one's opinion of what I should and shouldn't do. Very strong opinions. R. called around and found out that without insurance I should just go to the nearest hospital.

While Karen was nursing me, my dock neighbors collected a dock cart and lined it with pillows and brought over some one's steps. Then the various boat friends came by and lifted me off the boat and into the cart. We made a great procession down the long dock and up the ramp. They loaded me into some one's van in my PJs with bags of ice all around my hip. As we were driving to the hospital we passed R. talking with some police. It seems he thought I would need a wheelchair and went to the hospital and was bringing one over to the dock. The hospital kind of thought he was stealing it.

When we got to the hospital, R. went and filled out forms for free care. I sat in the wheelchair packed with ice which  was now melting between my legs and looking like I peed my pants. The neighborhood left. Finally, I was taken and given a bed in the corridor because all the exam rooms were filled. There were many beds in the halls and aisles at the this Marin Kaiser Permanente Hospital. There I languished for hours. A security guard was nice enough to get me a bed pan at one point and I had to use it right there as some cops were bringing in a car injury case. No pride. No more.

I think I slept and then I was sent to xray and then wheeled back to my hall spot. About four hours later, I was told that I had a broken hip. I remarked that it was clear that nothing had changed since I arrived because I came there with a broken hip. I was informed that they didn't do surgery at that particular Kaiser and they would call for transport to some other hospital when they found one that would take me. They couldn't get me food because I didn't have a room.

There was a big flurry of activity as the shift changed at 11 PM. Then everyone was reading computers for what seemed like forever. No food, no room, no bedpan. Then I was watching as there was a cluster of activity at the computers with SKYPE. This, it turns out, was about me. The ER doctor, the prospective surgeon and the xray person conferred electronically and I was told that the new shift was offering me an option. The break was lined up in such a way that if I put no weight on it, it could heal without surgery. I asked if that was a special deal for me because I was poor. They said that they could do the surgery or I could try and heal without it. It would take longer to be back on my feet if I healed naturally.

I had heard a lot of stories about fucked up hip stuff. I decided to try without the operation. They gave me crutches and my daughter came and picked me up and took me to her house and fed me. That was my whole medical trip. I never saw another doc for that hip. Lucky me.

Let the healing begin..tomorrow.

**When Helpers Need Help**Or It Is Much Easier to Give Than to Receive**

I love to be the person to whom others turn for help. It is fun to be able to offer a helping hand, or some babysitting, or some advice, or even the only meal I ever used to cook. (brown rice and black beans with some random veggies and, with a little luck, some tortillas) I was even able to offer some more exotic helping hands. I nursed Max W. when his mother was in the hospital with pneumonia when he was only a few weeks old. My friend B.'s daughter came to stay with us in the summer when her mother was slammed at work. The refugee kids lived with us and started their new lives without their parents, new country, new language. I fed and sat with an old man each week and listened attentively while he told me about this wonderful woman with a big smile who used to come and make him dinner. (me!) I took care of my friend's three darling daughters when she went to rehab and her frigging macaw who tried to eat me alive. (God rest his soul) I fixed up people's gardens. I took my dear Meghan out one afternoon or evening every week for eleven years. And we did have some really crazy times. I did night feedings of sick babies so their mothers could finally get a night's sleep. And on and on. I loved every minute of it.

A lot of help came my way financially because I never did figure out how to make money. In fact I was kind of a genius at doing things that I never earned a cent for doing.  That aside I was happy being the person to whom others could turn when they needed a favor.

When I broke my hip I had to learn how to accept help in every way. I don't know whether it was pride or pride mixed with some feminism, or ego that I had to release, but I had a great lesson in being unable to do anything for myself and I had great teachers of how to have nothing to give back but "Thank you".

I was in the parking area next to the marina where I was living on Richard's sail boat. I fell hard on the macadam and knew instantly that this was trouble. I had been for a long walk with Randie and her kids. The kids were tired and hungry and falling apart. I felt that I needed to get back to the boat. A young couple were walking by and rushed over to help me up. I told Randie to leave. She couldn't help me and do her baby at the same time. The young couple offered be my crutches while we went to the boat. It was a long walk and these strangers helped me all the way. They managed to pull the boat up close and get me into it. Then I called my daughter and told her that I thought I had broken my hip. I was so in shock that I just wanted to go to sleep. Everyone kept calling me and telling me to call an ambulance and I couldn't.

It didn't hurt if I had no weight on it. I had no health insurance and no money and didn't know that I could get help. Funny, this happened only a month before my medicare would start and was fortunately the first time I needed medical help. Finally someone called the emergency room and they said if it was broken and if I didn't put any weight on it, today, tomorrow, it didn't matter. I went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night I had to go to the head and I held myself up and hobbled down the boat and put the tiniest bit of weight on the leg and almost passed out from the pain. At that moment I knew for certain that I had a break. It was (Gracias a Dios) my first broken bone and I was about to be 65. Well, I had broken toes before, but they don't count.

More tomorrow about the humbling of Julie Pierce. How the mighty do fall and what good friends can do to soften that fall.

Would You Kill to Protect Your Property?

What would you kill for? Could you kill someone? Weird, but this discussion has come up several times lately in my life, once at a party on a Sunday afternoon, and once at a dinner. I am not taking on the Second Amendment question. I do think a 'well regulated militia" has the right to arms. The guns used to be kept in armories. Probably a good place for them, certainly better than the glove compartment or the back window of a pick up truck. (I do live in Oregon some of the time) I carry the idea that, for the most part, guns are for the cowards. Anyone can talk tough if they have a gun and the other person doesn't.

That being said, why would you have a gun if you weren't going to use it? I know there are many ways to kill people, that in the Rwandan genocide mostly machetes were used to kill millions. Hitler used gas chambers. But the question my friends were pondering was whether we could kill if the stakes were high enough. If someone broke into your house to steal a $200 TV, would you shoot them? Some would. I have a sister who claims that she would do anything to protect her stuff. She also thinks teachers should carry guns to protect themselves. I think that is absurd. But on that logic, would you kill someone if they were stealing a $70,000 car? To me that question is the same issue as a toaster oven, just different numbers.

Would you kill someone if they were threatening your child? Would you kill someone if they were threatening a homeless bum? Same thing I guess. All men are created equal in the eyes of our government and the good gods. I don't think I could.

I decided that there are things I would die for, but I don't think I could kill. In the conversation it was pointed out that we really don't know what we would do in extreme volatile situations. I have been in a few. Once in El Salvador and I found myself going deeply calm and feeling confident that I wouldn't be shot when confronted with a gun aimed at me. I found the whatever to look into the eyes of the young soldier and he backed off. I am glad I didn't panic or act aggressive because I think it could have gone differently.

Then I realized that I do kill living things. I really don't like mosquitoes and they love me. I kill them. I also have put out poison for rats. Mea culpa. I am no Mahatma Gandhi. I feel the need to practice non-violence in my thoughts and actions so that if need be, I could have the inner training to be strong in my beliefs when I am put to the test.

I do have a choleric temperament. And I can get really pissed off when my blood sugar drops, so there is always work to be done. How about you? Violence or non-violence? Guns or no guns? What would you kill for? What would you die for?

The Greatest Meditation

Just got word that my friend Joan is half way through walking the Camino. She is seventy and alone and brimming over with courage and devotion. She loves God, Christ, and Mother Mary. Sometimes I get sad that a lot of kids today don't grow up with wonder and awe. When I get to know a friend like Joan, I feel so blessed to be fully in the presence of love. When she left for this walk, her courage and faith were so strong that she said if she died on the walk she would be happy. If she succeeded in finishing the pilgrimage she would be happy. If she had to turn back at any point she would be happy.

Her life has brought many of the usual challenges. They have made her more trustful and loving. How can we give this kind of gift to our kids and grand kids? What is the switch that turns a seemingly bad break into an opportunity to trust more? I think it is faith, believing in something that you can't prove. "Blind faith", what a great redundant expression! And blind faith kind of requires us to be grateful. If we can believe in a loving God, then all has to be well at all times. There can be no exceptions. If all is perfect because God loves us, then we have to be grateful at all times for the perfect out working of our lives.

I think this is my lesson from my friend Joan.

I think it is pretty much the same rap as I have given about karma, only with different words. Everyone who thinks about it has to know that at the mystical level, all great religions are the same. If you read the biographies of great mystics, you will forget the era, the religious affiliation, the words being used and find that the experiences they describe could often be interchangeable in a blind test. There it is again the 'blind' bit.

Many years ago when my son was starting college, I took him to a big auditorium at Harvard University to hear the great Sufi master, Pir Valiyat Inayat Khan. I wanted to see Pir at that time because he was very old and speaking nearby. It was a rare opportunity. This was my experience: We drove from New Hampshire and experienced all the usual tension of finding a parking lot in Harvard Square. (Sadly a very big challenge. The roads, after all were 400 year old cow paths.) Then the challenge of finding the building. Then the horror of seeing the line to get in. We got in. We found good seats. Pir V. came on the stage in all his handsome white robed, white haired, white bearded dignity.

He looked out at the packed audience, buzzing with the chatter and excitement of all of us. He spoke and said that we didn't have time, and he didn't have time to talk "about" spiritual stuff. He said, "lets do it." He asked us to close our eyes and he would get us started on a bit of a meditation. Holy shit!. I closed my eyes, my last conscious thought was wondering if it would be boring, and then heard him saying to open our eyes. Two hours had passed like one second. I had been so far out in the universe that I had memories of looking at the earth from other times and fantastic distance. I felt vibrantly happy and totally peaceful.

He allowed as how "That was pretty great." Then he said because he was a musician he had prepared for us a little treat. He had practiced a group of singers who came onstage and sang The Hallelujah Chorus by Bach. It was a great treat. Then he thanked us a left the stage. You could have heard a pin drop. This was not your usual Harvard lecture. There was nothing to critique, no room to be intellectual. This was a pure mystical experience.

I was so spaced out that I couldn't drive for a while. I was forced to eat chocolate for quite a while to get back in my body. I am still grateful. I can still get a great flashback, although I have never been able to replicate that meditation.

Where Did the Magic of Childhood Go?

I keep hitting this subject from different angels. I do this because I keep getting shocked by how young children are constantly being given concepts and pictures that seem to be disturbing. I will not go into the TV, movies and video game rap. Anyone with half a brain can figure out what is violent and what isn't. Anyone with half a brain can see that we often put into effect the causes for later problems. Why , we wonder, do we have a bullying problem? Why, we wonder, do we have violent teenagers? Actually, no brains necessary to figure this out.

Today I am reacting to a conversation my daughter and I had with my four year old grand daughter. She was asking about being born. She was approaching the subject from different directions. We weren't 'getting' her concern. We were telling her about how happy the birth was and how she came out when she was ready to see the world. She still wasn't quite satisfied.

Then she said, "So you put me in your tummy. I floated around in there until I was ready to be born , and then the doctor took a big knife and cut through Mummy and pulled me out."

"No!" we said, "there was no big knife, and you just came out when you wanted to see Mummy and Daddy and the whole wide world."

She had a very worried look, and told us that her friend Joy had come out by a big knife cutting open her Mummy's stomach and there was lots of blood. She said she wanted kids but all this blood frightened her.

She is four. Joy is either four or almost five. What happened to "The stork brought you" or You were an angel who came to be our best girl?". When we give very young kids graphic facts, we have no idea how they are pictured, how they are carried around and shared. How do we know what happens in the minds of kids? I am all for honesty. I am all for education. But, I am also for lovely imaginations that feed the child's spirit. I am cool with "God loved us so much that She sent you as a present to us." Somehow, even with this kind of story at a young age, most kids find out the facts of life before too long, and they are not burdened by bloody images before they need to know more. I am also a huge fan of the Tooth Fairy, Santa Clause, Princess Lea, Puff the Magic Dragon and so on. Let's respect childhood while the children can enjoy it.

Tonite Obama Forgot God

OOPS! I just saw on the Democratic Convention coverage that they Dems forgot to put God in their platform and they forgot to recognize Jerusalem as the property of Israel. They revamped the platform to unomit such important matters. It seems funny to me that with all the experts and professionals and 35,000 or some such number of delegates that that was an omission. My mind is spinning with the possibilities here.

Is it possible that they no longer feel they need to call on God? Is it possible that  the thousands of years old controversy about who gets to claim Jerusalem was too much of a situation to take on? Was this a deliberate slap in the face to the Jewish people? Do the Dems renounce God? Was there sabotage? Did someone on the inside delete the important words? The possibilities are endless. My dear sainted mother observed that as things got worse and worse for Bill Clinton in his presidency, the bigger the Bible he was photographed carrying to church on Sundays. Where is Obama's Bible? What is the message here?


But really, can we find more nits to pick? Tonight Bill Clinton "hit it out of the ball park" by talking intelligently, about the real stuff. (they still won't talk about foreign policy, but that's a given this election) He talked to both the intellect and the emotions. He got that balance I was speaking of yesterday. He spoke of higher values; community, compromise to reach goals, the common good.



We need to dream large. But we need to work to make the dreams come true. I think of people saying affirmations every day. This is a positive act. "I am beautiful and successful." Nice. But if they aren't putting in the leg work to set in motion the causes of beauty and success, is this just magical thinking?  I  know that positive thinking works wonders especially if you are low, but some exercise and good food also helps. You get my gist.



My friend Tucker made a vow some years back that if the American people were dumb enough to re-elect Little Bush he would leave the country for good. They were. He did. I am starting to have that feeling about Mitt. Soon more and more other countries are going to be having the problem of how to deal with all the immigrants coming from the USA. We, the people, need to "hit it out of the ball park" and regain our mojo.

Reacting to Feedback

The first positive feedback I got about my caving in and planning to vote for Obama was an invite to join the "Disaffected Progressives for Obama". OK. Misery loves company.

The most important feedback was about my rant about Mormons. Firstly, I believe more than most in every one's right to worship as they wish. I really do think it is a basic human right. And I believe that the act of loving God, or the earth, or a ritual, is an righteous act. As Guru Maharaji says, "Love is Love." That being said, however, I read  the Book of Mormon when I was reading scriptures from many religions and I was shocked by the racism and sexism in it. (I will try and find some page references). I remember that at every press conference and speech that Jack Kennedy gave when he was running for president he was questioned again and again about whether the Pope would be the power that ran him. He was to become the first Catholic president. He answered  every question. I want a lot more questions to be asked of Romney about the influence of Mormon precepts on how he will conduct himself if he becomes president. I believe we have the right to know. Does he follow his church teachings on the not quite fully human status of other races? Does he believe that women should be subservient to men? Does he believe that this planet is only a few thousand years old? Questions like this would be a certain predictor of how he would handle subjects like climate change, like his attitude toward immigration and foreign policy, his actions regarding the ERA.

Please, dear Mormons, worship whatever God you love, but please Mr. Romney, don't plan on laying your trip on any of us non-believers.

The Battle Between Heaven and Hell

If you think about it, probably the worst thing that could have happened to President Obama at the get-go was the death of Teddy Kennedy. When Teddy and his family gave Obama their support, I knew he would win. But Teddy's death left Obama without a seasoned, time-tested fighter behind him. It was such a powerful loss to what Obama claimed to be about that if the circumstances had been different, I would have been yelling for an investigation.

Alas, a very public brain tumor is not poison in his tea. (Do I read too many murder mysteries?) Teddy knew how to work the Congress. He was out spoken, passionate and unafraid to stand up for his beliefs. Obama appears to give compromises before they are demanded of him. He takes ten steps backwards when one or two might be needed. Teddy could get worked up and confront others with the truth and then do the hard work necessary to build his coalitions and power, the give and take, the horse trading. Lyndon Johnson did this when he refused to let the Civil Rights Act be watered down. Hard stuff.

It is probably a matter of temperament as much as anything. But are there bigger forces at work and play here. Is there a cosmic battle between Lucifer and Ahriman happening? Are we even meant to talk about this kind of stuff? In the Anthroposophical tradition, Ahriman represents the cold, mechanical, inhuman forces which fight the Luciferic forces of excessive emotion, feeling and lack of intellect. The too cold, hard, intellect wars with the too hot, all feeling, mindless emotions. These are both on the dark side. We all need both feelings and intellect, but it only makes sense to have a balance and that balance has to come from human beings who have their feet on the earth and their spirits looking upward and are balanced by their hearts. When we lose our balance, the whole world suffers.

So, our work has to continue to be both inward and outward. We need to be aware of what is going on in the world and stand for our truth and yet we need to work on ourselves and walk the walk. Thick Naht Hahn says "There is no path to Peace. Peace is the path." I am still trying to curb my  acidic tongue and at the same time speak the truth. If I want world peace, I can sit around and bemoan the situation we are in now or I can be peaceful in my thoughts and actions. (hard stuff) I have talked about this before, but Gandhi said that Love is stronger than any weapon man can create. He also said that peace is not passive, soft, or easy. Peace demands courage, vigor, power, and great strength.

The Voters Rights activists who marched and were beaten and even died to get the vote for blacks in the USA look, from my perspective, much braver than the KKK hiding behind robes and masks, wielding weapons and dogs and superior force. Let the gods and the fallen angels battle it out in heaven, but let us be the change we want to see here in earth. (some expressions are cliches for a good reason) Let us all practice balancing our intellect and emotions with our hearts. The heart knows what is good and what is evil. It just does.

OK, I'll Vote for Obama

OK,  I'll vote for Obama - for very few reasons. I certainly won't vote for him because I think he is a good or interesting politician. We have so little choice (two anointed candidates -only two parties for this great big country!) and I am pretty sure the election is rigged once again and I am positive that with the money involved, we have little to do with anything that happens, in any case. But I will vote for him because of the overt anti-gay and racist shit that the Romany people are shoveling. It is so awful. It just isn't any good. I really wanted to vote for someone or something that I believe in. Once again, I vote for the slightly worse candidate. But, when pompous arrogant white males start in with Mormon/ Christian rules about what marriage is and what a woman can do or can't do with her body, and prehistoric views on the roles of men and women, I cave.

Imagine a Mormon telling us about marriage when a few years ago they, not just allowed, but encouraged creepy old men to have a multitude of child brides. I just can't get a good feeling about that. And can you dig or have you dug any of the Mormon views on other races? Not cool. Really ugly primitive stuff.

Obama's foreign policy is violent and deadly, but perhaps slightly less violent and deadly than nuking Iran would turn out to be if Romany gets his dream. I hope so.

Acquisition, Competition, Individualism

Brian Wilson, in his book, Blood on the Tracks, talking about his epiphany regarding US foreign policy, said it was all new to him, because he grew up in a society that promotes individualism, acquisition, competition. No kidding. We don't just promote these things, we make a religion of them. Then we yearn for community, connectivity, caring, and the simple life. If one has a ton of money, one can "get away from it all" by going to his country home or his camp or cabin. What is the "it all", that we need to escape? Alienation from nature? The rat race? Endless appointments? Our stuff? We work so hard to build a life that we need a break from.

This does not have to be like this. There are lots of societies on this planet where people have different values, where people don't have to take courses on how to build community, where people don't have to unlearn a life time of conditioning to feel connected. Brian Wilson had to go to Vietnam and Nicaragua and El Salvador to unlearn the lessons he had learned so well as a youth in the USA.

I had to go to Guatemala in a time of war to learn about community. When Pax Panis brought seeds to the villages ruined by the scorched earth policy taught at the School of the Americas, the men of the village stayed up all night counting the seeds into perfectly even piles so that everyone, everyone, got exactly the same amount for their garden Some of these seeds were carrot seeds. Do you know how tiny carrot seeds are? Very.

In Jamaica, I watched in wonder when my friends were cooking dinner. The process took a long time. The men who were cooking had to go around and collect the fish, the vegetables, make oil from the coconuts. In the process, they schmoozed with everyone. When the food was ready, plates were taken all around the 'yard'. The first person I saw served was a disagreeable old woman who sat on her veranda and made sort of nasty comments to everyone who passed by. Then the food went to the other elders, then to children, then to guests, then to the family that was cooking. Everyone got a perfect plate of freshly cooked food. No one said they didn't eat this or that. Everyone talked and chattered across the 'yard'. It was so simple and so different from our suburbs where each property either has a fence and everyone is in their isolated box.

My friend Mamadou says that in his country Senegal, the 'handicapped' people aren't treated any different from anyone else. His friendship with my Downs Syndrome brother John, has taught me a lot about seeing John as I see anyone. No matter John's IQ, he has all the same feelings and needs as any of us, and he glows when given a chance. My family valued intellect and education, so we got John as a teacher. With John, acquisition and competition and individualism don't really count.

The Republican Convention Show on TV was a religious revival for the values of our country at this time. If these values made us happy and if we, in turn, made the rest of the world a better place, they might be worth celebrating. I don't see that right now. Right now many of us are trying to learn simple values and finding our teachers elsewhere. Que viva el Che!