Blank Mind

I have achieved the most desirable state. I am zen. I am there/here now. Well, not really. What is real is that I am  spaced out, fully. I am sure that I can't confuse this with Nirvana. It is more like brain freeze. I have to leave little notes to myself. "Eat lunch." "Go swimming".

I NEVER forget to eat. Is it possible that I am having culture shock? Or am I tired? Or is this the real thing that we strive for in meditation. I, being a self-effacing westerner, have to assume that it is a state of serious pathology, not eternal bliss. I can see how devout nuns and monks need a very practical abbot to keep them grounded in the world.

Yesterday I had some time and out of time moments. Being with Rhys after 40 years was a bit like being at Dana Hall after 50 years. In a certain way no time at all had passed. Are we exactly the same? Is it possible that time is simultaneous? No time has passed, maybe. It is all happening at the same time. This kind of happened to me on the Camino also. I am reading a book about Henry VIII. I am at a beach in Thailand. I am with an old friend. I am thinking about my childhood and family. Each thought is as vivid as if were happening now. Is it?

I look around this Island, bustling with construction activity, like all of Thailand, and I find a deserted spot and wonder whether I could have survived if I had been ship wrecked here alone. I think, "yes". People ask me whether I mind traveling alone. I feel that we do everything and nothing alone. The Thai people I meet keep their distance, look away from my eyes, until I make contact. Then I am gifted with a wonderful smile and an attention to me that I can't believe. My choice.

Rhys says that I shouldn't believe all the smiles. I do and if I get ripped off, I get ripped off. It is way more fun to believe than to be skeptical. I did believe that the salt I was shaking all over my eggs was salt. I saw a funny look fleetingly pass by the waitress's eyes. I was a bit shocked when the salt turned out to be sugar. Not a bad combo, really.

I am going to take my spaced out or fully realized self or non-self into the warm womb of the ocean and try not to remember that this same womb was involved in a tsunami not so long ago. Namaste.