Felt Like Crying Yesterday.

It most definitely wasn't sadness. It was a feeling I have had on occasion while traveling. I felt, for an amazing few minutes that I had come home. I was at the temple of the reclining gold Buddha in Bangkok. Of course I was. It is one of the biggest tourist attractions in the world. It is also a place where millions of Thai people return again and again.

For my whole life I have felt like a gypsy. Or a snail. I seem to carry my home on my back. I often feel at home and I never feel like I have to stay anywhere to have that feeling. I think ni a certain way I don't put down roots. In a literal sense I do. I have left behind a flower garden nearly everywhere I have lived. But that's not the same thing as having a place.

Apologies to my children who had to suffer this because of me, but then, from the Buddhist perspective you chose me as one of the parents you incarnated to because of the challenges you chose to face in this life. Neat, isn't it. I feel no guilt here, but sometimes wish I could have given you more.

When I was pregnant with my second child, I was leaving the torture and bliss of Emerson College, Sussex, England. It was a school of spiritual science brimming with searching young souls making a turn from the sixties. The great Francis Edmunds, the founder and head cheer leader, knew that I had had a tough year. But he chose that moment to tell me that he saw my future as having a home nowhere and being at home everywhere.

Sitting outside one of the smaller temples in the huge complex I discovered that I love the shine of gold, I 'felt' some of the statues and felt nothing from a similar one right next to it. What's that about? I knew I was having a tear moment and I didn't feel remotely sad. I felt at home.

Wat Arun is not very old in the grand scheme of things. It was built in the 1,700s. Are these feelings of being home proof of re-incarnation? I don't know. I don't require proof. I have had proof all my life in a thousand little ways, from knowing the streets of Paris on my first visit, to understanding things spoken in old Greek, too many moments to bore you with.

I never dreamed that Bangkok, this huge modern city would be this powerful an experience. Tomorrow I am going to the beach for a more familiar experience. (God willing.)  I can't help comparing things here with Central America and it is fruitless. This is so different. Take, for instance, the fact that Thailand was never a colony of anyone. That is a rare deal for such a beautiful place. The street stalls are more expensive for Thai products than the gigantic MBK Mall. That's weird. The food is consistently great. Big difference. Hardly any Catholics and Christians running around talking about sin. And most everyone gaining merit by deeds of kindness. Very cool. Picture me happy, excited and having a lazy day today.

When anyone younger bows in a Namaste to an old thing like me, the custom is for me to nod. If I namaste them back I am denying them a chance to show respect for my years on this earth. Cool.