Sunday, June 29, 2014

Don't Be an Idiot! Take this Advice Now!

Don't use texting for emotional communications. Don't. Don't talk about feelings in text messages. Don't.

Firstly, text messages don't just disappear. You might delete them, but they are still around.

Secondly, and most importantly, they will get you in trouble. I am unequivocal about this advice.

As I have said before, I am a bit of a troglodyte. But in this instance, that is not relevant. For the past few years, I have seen example after example of texting emotions (good or bad, happy or sad) causing misunderstandings, embarrassment, and dissension. I mean it. Texting is an excellent medium for saying, "I am going to be 10 minutes late", or "I forgot my gym shorts, can you drop them off on your way to work.", or "Meet me  in Tahrir Square tomorrow to overthrow the government." Simple, clear messages. Cold info.

But here is a scenario I have witnessed over and over: Someone tells me that they met a nice man at a party. They hung out a while. There was a spark. Three or four days later, I hear from the someone and they are distressed that they haven't gotten much encouragement from the guy. It is depressing.She feels bad. What could be wrong? I ask whether she texted him.  Yes she did. Did he answer. Not really. And not right away. What might she have said in her texts? "I told him how much fun it was to meet him." "I told him it made me feel good." "I asked what he felt." "I asked him why he wasn't texting me back." "I told him that I was having doubts about my initial feelings because he wasn't responding."

Shit man, get a grip. This is harassment and would end anything including true love in its tracks. So, picture the other side. The guy had fun. He has a job or a career. He can't chew gum and walk at the same time (most men a terrible multitaskers) and he might have hoped to see you again and he might have had a lovely time too, but he wasn't going to think about it for a few days and now these texts come, turning a potential thing into BFF chatter. He doesn't give a hoot about your day at work or your hair cut or that you need new tires. These things mostly aren't interesting in any case, but certainly not as news flashes about someone he hardly knows interrupting his life.

This is one example from a million. Texting gives us a chance to say dumb things really fast in an offhand way. Can it come as any surprise that people get into trouble with it? Impulses might be healthy or destructive but waiting until you take time to sort out what is appropriate, what someone might want to read while doing their taxes or going to the bathroom or waiting for a job interview, this might bring you much closer to the intended result.

When someone over texts me, not only do I get irritated about the interruptions, especially if I am doing nothing which is a fine use of my time, but I wonder whether the other person has a life. Like, if you are at work or visiting with a friend or jogging, why are you texting me? You aren't in your life. You can't be.

This sounds a bit like I am on my high horse. I don't mean to be. I am writing this because I have head from distressed people who have messed up their lives with this. I would like never to hear the long pause when I ask, "Have you been texting? A lot?"

Take a step back. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. When in doubt, don't. Amen.


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