Lama Marut revisited. How to get rid of an irritating person. Thank you Guruji.

Re-re-re-visited, actually. I probably can't do justice to this, but I know it works because I have used it. As with any spiritual practice, I have to remember it in the midst of being irritated. Because it is hard to remember when things are out of control, Lama M. suggests that we make the practice using small impact situations until we get it into our routine. Then we can go to the practice in desperate moments.

I find it very sweet, in a way, that he uses the word 'irritating'. This can mean a person jiggling his knee next to you on a train or it can mean someone pointing a gun at you, and anything in between.

He speaks humorously about simply removing yourself from the situation. Using a magic escape phrase, "Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom." You can always find something to make this a true statement. Wash your hands or something. If you are stuck with this person (one reason to avoid sail boat trips with unhappy people.) you have to work a bit more.

The real gist of the practice is to look at the person attacking you or yelling at you or being mean to you and have compassion for them. You can not hold anger and compassion at the same moment. If someone is irritating you and you think about how much pain they must be in to act so horribly and how much bad karma they are creating for themselves, you get a gift of objectivity and clarity which allows you to experience them differently. They must be in so much pain to allow this behavior or these words to come from their mouths.

This switch in your mind can make a huge difference. I was in a non-violent action training many years ago at a homeless shelter in Boston. The trainer had us roll playing. The roll was that someone would verbally attack us and we had to diffuse the situation rather than taking the bait. I was paired off with a huge guy who really got into his role of attacking and intimidating me. I got frightened by his intensity and in my fright, I stood tall and looked him in the eye and said, "I love you." He reacted as if he had been hit with a knock out punch. He started to cry. He said he couldn't remember ever having those words said to him. Then I started to cry. That was so sad.

That was before I knew Lama Marut, and I take that as a gift from the gods. But there it was, in a flash. It is probably better to practice in easier situations. When some driver is acting like a real ass hole, instead of giving the finger, as is my wont, I could think, "It must be very hard to be him today." Changes everything.