My latest addiction. ".Hi, my name Julie and I am an......."

I play solitaire on the phone. I win 42 1/2% of the time.My wins are faster. My game really improves, but in the end, I lose more than I win. Some days when I can't focus well, I turn off the timer and just hope to solve the game. Sometimes when I nail the first few games, I think I am having good luck and I think, "This is going to be a good day!" I am a winner! But, in actual fact, my statistics have remained the same over the years. It is a really good thing I don't play for money.

When the phone or computer doesn't work, I play with cards. My hands feel clumsy, the cards feel heavy. Cards were all I knew until eight years ago. Now they are painful. When I first started playing, I loved the cards. They slowed me down and I breathed better. Now they seem like a punishment. It is weird . I still play, but I don't get the original benefit.

Is my game now an addiction? I think so. I am not getting the feeling I liked at first. I am playing more games because they are so fast. I feel slightly uptight and breathless after playing. I am wasting time.  When I started playing with cards only, I was taking time out. Now I sort of have to recover afterwards. I think I have to stop. But if it an addiction is this going to be easy?

I am not successful at limiting my playing. I will say that I am only going to play for ten minutes and a half hour later I am still playing one more game. It is helpful for me to write this to you. Now, I have realized that I have a problem. I am going to deal with it. There must be a support group.  I hope my Higher Power doesn't laugh at me and say, "You think you have problems?" I guess I need to keep this in perspective.

The other day my friends almost five year old identical twin grand daughters were having a fight about some trivial thing like a crayon. The one was crying bloody murder. The other look at her and told her to get a grip, "It's not like your cat died."

It is not like I am drinking a quart of vodka a day, but the nature of the addiction seems to be the same. Other people can play solitaire anytime they want and get the satisfaction they enjoy. I can't stop and don't any longer get what I want from doing so. It is not like my cat died, but it is something to be dealt with. Now.