The Future

Several times in my life I have seen my future. Right now I have no real picture of what is coming. In the past I have had a few very fallow times when it just seemed best to do nothing because everything I tried brought me to a brick wall.

I am not encountering the brick walls at this time. Things are flowing rather beautifully, but I don't know from one day to the next what I am about to do. It is probably always like this, but maybe not so obvious.

There is a bridge in Lucerne, Switzerland with Medieval paintings of The Dance of Death. The paintings depict the plague gripping and killing people of all ages, shapes, and social status. I think the point is that you need to keep looking over your shoulder. Scary.

The Buddhists do a morning meditation called The Death Meditation. It is kind of the opposite of the Dance of Death illustrations. In this meditation you remind yourself that today could be the last day of your life. You remind yourself that life is precious. You remind yourself that you need to clear up all fuzzy or unfinished business and be the best person you possibly can. You set up your day to live the highest standards that you can imagine. Then, you don't need to be looking over your shoulder. Not scary.

I, of course, am totally successful in all my endeavors at attaining perfection. I was remembering the childhood confession I made every week. I didn't commit any 'mortal' sins, I was just a  kid. I did manage a bunch of 'venial' sins. If I hadn't sinned, I made up some to confess thinking it would make God and the priest happy to be able to forgive me. I pretty much still commit those same little sins on a daily basis. I confess that I think judgmental things about other people. I can get impatient. I have been known to take the Lord's name in vain. (swearing, for those non-Catholics) I have had a few little resentments over the years. I can get pissed off. I confess.

The feeling that I am forgiven seems to come when I actively forgive others. It is just one of those things: life's little paradoxes.

I am not looking over my shoulder fearing the next plague and I am not seeing tomorrow with any clarity. So be it.