Missing You....

I haven't been lost entirely, but once again, couldn't get the old computer to post my last few blogs. One day soon I will figure it out and post a clump.

Because a lot of my friends are younger than I am, they are still in the big squeeze. Very old parents, children and grandchildren create the squeeze. No one seems to live near enough to their relatives. There don't seem to be any smooth situations for many of the old folks. As soon as a situation is arranged that seems to work out, something shifts and you have to start all over. For the most part, getting really old is not a pretty picture. Having money often doesn't even help.

Last night I saw The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. This movie showed exactly the characters I met in Granada Nicaragua last winter. I met people from US, Canada, and Europe who suddenly lost their pension, ran out of money, lost their husband or wife, needed medical tourism, wanted a huge change...whatever, just like in the movie. But we were still able to jump ship and move toward the unknown. The old folks problem is that with very old age or dementia or severe health problems, people have few choices. And most of the choices suck. And many of them don't work. And we have to impose them on our relatives in their best interest.

From where I stand, right this second, if I wander out in a snowstorm naked, let me go. If I stop eating, let me starve. If I have the big heart attack, let me die wherever I am.  If I am very sick, very demented, very miserable, don't try and help me. And believe me when I say that if I am in any situation where walking out in the snow is even a remote possibility, I will already have to be demented.

Yes, I have made a living will, and a DNR, but those documents don't seem to solve the last old years. I have friends who moved their parents to assisted living places, having sold the house and gotten rid of most everything, and then the parents refused to eat in the dining room, or were kicked out of the dining room. Others fire the help on a regular basis. Others moan about wanting to die while scarfing down vitamins and medicine. I understand it all.  There has to be a reason and we have to be learning something. I think this because I am a reasonable person. I like reason. But just as it is hard to watch a child suffer, it is really hard to watch a helpless parent suffer.

I live in a state where we have doctor assisted suicide and medical marijuana. You'd think things would be easier. They are not. Just making a life decision for a parent is a weird reversal. It is all walking in the unknown and doing the best we can. Just like parenting.