Listening behind words.

One thing I do that annoys the hell out of people is that I turn on my phone when I am in a conversation and start playing solitaire. I often do this when I am most intensely involved in what is being said. I am trying to get what is behind the words that are being said and hear more. Hear the truth. I am breaking myself of this habit because people think I am not paying attention to them. They think I am reading emails or the news and trying to get away from the conversation.

I can let go of this annoying habit and do the same kind of listening when I am looking at the person. Some people read body language. I can do that, but that is not when I get my strongest insights. My strong insights come when I space out on the words and wait until I get a image or hear that still silent voice within.  Often for me this can lead the conversation to a much deeper and more honest place. People want to tell their stories. People want approval. People want to be loved. People want to be heard. People want to be recognized. I know this. But how to do this best...that is a question we need to answer as individuals.

The other day my friend Mark was laying out his dreams to me. He asked me a question and I was kind of meditating on the answer. He knows me very well. He said "Oh, there you go to that quiet place." I didn't even know that I was gone. It turned out that there was a gap of logic in his plans that he was so used to repeating that  he was racing by it. He has a beautiful plan to help a lot of people, but felt he needed to make his fortune first.

I told him that I thought the plan would work better if he first, from his own strained resources and time, started helping those he wanted to. Then, the means to continue would follow. It seems to me that the flow he needs was being blocked by the thought that first he had to take care of his life and then the generosity would come from his extra. It hasn't been working that way for him. The idea came to me that he should reverse the process and see if that worked. Kind of the story of the loaves and the fishes.

Do you have any stories to share on this subject?

At the same time, we often repeat the hurtful stories from our past. We tell our resentments. We