Last summer when I was falling apart my friend and teacher, Lisa Schumacher, told me that I was looking at everything the wrong way. I was sobbing, feeling that I couldn't cope with what my heart was feeling and pretty much couldn't put one foot in front of the other. She said that the question I should be asking my heart was how much love could I accept.
When she said those words, I felt from her heart the wildest surge of love coming into me. Then it expanded and it kind of hasn't stopped. It feels as though everywhere I go, I have to accept more and more love. This past weekend, at the wedding of a young friend, I felt as if my heart was bursting from love. WOW.
The strange thing is that it feels the same as a broken heart, only not. This is heard to express. I feel so full that I am about to burst.
There was a day in Cuba many years ago, when I felt so happy that I thought I would explode. I knew I had a new measure of 'great'. I have met that standard a few times since. I have never lost the ability to revisit that moment. If this full heart keeps accepting more love coming my way, I certainly have to raise the bar.
There is no rhyme or reason to this love thing. I have gotten the vibe from strangers, from animals and most certainly from the sun. Once in a while I just get the feeling that the sun is pouring life into the core of my being. I get connected in some primal way. I could see myself building a great temple to thank the sun.
I am working on the little switch thing that Lisa's words flicked on. I am working diligently on this.
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