I see those bumper stickers about "random acts of kindness" and they make me think about the butterfly who flaps his wings in Brazil and causes a big wind in Canada. (or something like that). Who knows what the effects of our actions are?
A short time before my mother died, I was helping her get from the car to the house. It was a long slow struggle. The beautiful beach and islands were our backdrop, but we were looking down to take the slow painful steps down the walkway. I was pretty much holding her up. It turned out that there were no more walks into the house. The next time she traveled that path it was in an ambulance coming home to meet the hospice people.
But that day, she paused (we paused) and she said, "Well, here you are helping me navigate just like you did when you were ten." I looked into her eyes and asked what she meant. She said that there was a winter when she had had a late miscarriage and she was so depressed that she could hardly get out of bed. Apparently at that time, I got the house going in the morning, opened the curtains, started breakfast and encouraged her to come downstairs. Her memory was that I was her bridge back to healing. I remember none of it except some vague picture of her lying on the couch. My mother never was lying around, so it must have been big. She carried that gratitude all those years. Who knew?
Years later, one of my daughters sort of did the same thing. We had a lovely downstairs neighbor who was going through a very difficult time. Upstairs we were in those crazy years when we had foster kids and friends of kids and stranded kids and sometimes runaway kids in and out of the house at all hours of the day and night. I was always apologetic to M. who had to hear the herd of elephants over her head. Her memory is quite different. Her memory is that many times A. went downstairs and insisted that she join us for food and blend into the crowd and that was a very big deal in her recovery. Who knew?
A Buddhist teacher in Marin told me that he was reacting against the fact that he didn't see a strong tradition among the upper middle class Buddhists in the USA of helping the disadvantaged. He went for a while among the homeless. He learned a lot. Of course they had tremendous needs, but one of the most powerful things he learned was that when they became homeless they lost their individuality in that they were perceived as "the homeless." They told them that it meant a great deal to them if people asked their names and told them their name. How hard is that? I try to remember every time and watch the faces light up. One small act of being conscious.
I think that we can do many small acts of kindness everyday and flap away with those butterfly wings. Who knows?
That made me cry. You were a such a good daughter from the beginning to the end of your Mom's life (and your Dad's for that matter.) For no gains of your own except your inherent need to do what is right in your life and in the world. I've always so admired you for your selflessness in your caring for your parents. obviously you taught your children that very well, from early on and what a gift. So inherent in your spirit that you were not even aware the lessons were being made. Love you Jules, you are a beautiful spirit I feel so graced to have you in my life for these many years.
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