I Surrender

"I surrender" How hard can these words be to say? In my experience, very hard.

Last night at Satsang with Lisa Schumacher, she read her poetry and spoke about the moment in her life when her searching ended. Her heart opened, broke open, and she was no longer searching for God, for answers, for love, for success, for the truth. She fell to the floor crying when her heart burst and then felt the incoming of Love, of Grace of the experience that she had everything she could have ever been looking for, all the time, right now, and forever in an abundance she could never have imagined.

Her joy, her generosity of spirit, her beauty, her gifts she gives all the time are effortless. She is nobody and she is everybody. She is a teacher.

And she gives credit to the moment she surrendered. I have to think about this. When I hear the saying "Let Go and Let God" from the twelve step programs as I have spoken about before, I don't see it go all the way. I often see it as a "Well, there is nothing more I can do in this situation." kind of giving up. But if it is a total surrender, then there is no problem, no need to give up. You are UP.

In a meditation group I belonged to for many years, we often sang a Protestant hymn, "Be Still and Know that I am God". I sang along. It was pretty. There were some musical people in the group who made beautiful harmonies. I thought it was a kind of dull joyless hymn, being spoken to by a patriarchal God. Then one meeting when I was singing along, I heard to words for the first time. "Be still and know that I am God". I suddenly had the experience of non-separation. I got pretty high. I don't count this as an act of surrender like Lisa's experience, but it was somethinng for me.

When I seek spiritual guidance to untie knots that I have created, when I seek answers in that still quiet space, I get a taste of this experience. I hear words and solutions that don't come from logic or my ordinary brain. I think Lisa has moved into the sacred space where everything in her life comes from this space. She is a Teacher.