I guess I have prided myself on my ability to stay cool when things got crazy. I do fall apart afterwards. I was cool when threatened with death in El Salvador. I have been extremely cool when coming upon a motorcycle accident in the middle of the woods in New Hampshire with a car full of kids. (before cell phones) But the other day, the lioness in me came out when I felt that some dear ones were threatened. I escalated the situation. I felt fear and took the wrong tact.
I am not usually into true confessions on this blog, but I failed my Buddhism, big time. I was not violent, but my words were aggressive and hurtful. Buddhism tells me that the way to get rid of an irritating person, and this was a HIGHLY irritating person, is to feel compassion. I had a fleeting glimpse that the person threatening me and mine was a truly suffering being but my righteousness in the situation, (in my mind) and this fear, this threat, got me.
I have a many reasons to justify my actions, but at the same time I have taken non-violent trainings. I have committed myself to peace. I should not have let myself get into that situation. Mea culpa. I did get out quickly. I did not re-engage when the chance came. I did learn again that "There is no path to peace. Peace is the path."
Now I am working on the forgiveness part. I need to forgive myself first and the guy second. I do forgive, but I won't forget, I hope.
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